Gilbert Shelton saw this coming.
You may remember him as the creator of “The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers,” if you ever knew his work at all (he wasn’t in the Sunday funnies section of the Muthalode Morning Mishap when you were a sprout).
I first saw Shelton’s stuff in Texas, back in the Sixties, when as an aspiring young motorhead I stumbled across his “Wonder Wart-Hog” strip in Pete Millar’s Drag Cartoons.
Even then I was a comics/superhero fiend, and dug satires of the genre, like “Captain Klutz,” which Don Martin created for Mad magazine. So naturally I loved the Hog of Steel and his alter ego, deuce reporter Philbert Desanex (a “deuce reporter” sitting at the opposite end of the pay scale from an “ace”).
Shelton wasn’t just another funny fella. He was also a student of American history and politics, and often aimed his pen at same in his work (see “Give Me Liberty: A Revised History of the American Revolution,” from 1976).
But man, he really hit his stride with “Wonder Wart-Hog and the Nurds of November.” A cartoon collection bearing that title was published in 1980, and the titular strip included the following:
- A stony-broke, hungry, unemployed journalist (Desanex).
- A Supreme Court that ruled the First Amendment was “a typographical error.”
- Assassinations and a discussion of the presidential line of succession (through the secretary of the Treasury, anyway).
- The country, having run through 13 presidents on one day, being managed as a trust by the board of directors of Gloptron, Inc., “an immense multinational cartel.”
- A presidential primary contest, in which Desanex secures the nominations of both the Democratic and Republican parties (OK, so that may seem a little far-fetched).
- Gloptron’s attempt to assassinate Desanex (foiled by the Hog of Steel).
- Gloptron’s queering of the weather on Election Day, hoping to keep all the voters home. It didn’t work: Desanex wins the popular vote.
- Gloptron’s zombies overturn the popular vote via the Electoral College and the coup is buried on page 67 of the next day’s newspaper (“Well, after all, it is Gloptron’s newspaper, Mr. Desanex,” explains an aide.
- Desanex takes his case back to the people, calling for a constitutional convention on New Year’s Eve to rewrite that hallowed document and dispose of the Electoral College.
- With predictable results, it being New Year’s Eve:
By the way, the splash panel is a fakeout. In the cartoon, the pig doesn’t win the presidency. Adolf Hitler does — seems he didn’t die in that bunker after all, having taken it on the lam after first getting his skull and teeth surgically removed to mislead his enemies.
And, after an extended rant against — well, pretty much everything and everyone, promising the convention “a strong, decisive leader who can bring back law and order and restore the nation’s dignity in the eyes of the world … purge the population of misfits, get our armed forces into shape and declare war on everybody who won’t toe the line!” — the new dictator of the USA orders an invasion of Mexico “on the pretext that the Mexicans had been secretly invading the United States for years.”
Any of this sounding familiar to you?
• Editor’s note: The headline comes from (of course) Hunter S. Thompson, who in “The Great Shark Hunt” rewrote that old saw, “You can’t wallow with the pigs at night and then soar with the eagles in the morning,” which came up in a half-remembered conversation at a Colorado bar in which a construction worker told a bartender why he shouldn’t have another drink.
Wrote HST:
No, I thought, that geek in Colorado had it all wrong. The real problem is how to wallow with the eagles at night and then soar with the pigs in the morning.
Mad Blog Media 
Loved the Furry Freak Brothers! For any of you that read these comics AND, haven’t killed off ALL of your memory cells….think back to when they were about to dine on a home cooked turkey. “This is great stuffing. What did you stuff the turkey with” asks one. “Stuffing? I didn’t need any. It wasn’t empty.” — Fat Freddy of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.
Ah but this more or less happened to my son-in-law when he cooked his first bird. He didn’t get the giblet packet out from inside, then proceeded to jam his stuffing mix in aggressively on top of the packet. And also overcook the hell out of it so the bird was not only dry as hell but funky tasting to boot.
What a turkey! 🙂
Gents, here’s a Freak Brothers classic for your viewing pleasure. Special bicycle content!
Herb, you must like seeing coffee come out of my nose!
Like the sign said at the protest march this weekend, “Elect a clown, expect a circus.”
You know the joke, what do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? (A good start.) Well, I’m starting to think 100 years of producing political science majors hasn’t done us much good. You don’t need a four year degree in that pseudo-science. All you need is an hour a week reading HST, HL Mencken, Gilbert Shelton, and Mark Twain. Then once a year, pick up Dorothy Parker, George Saunders, Heinlein, Vonnegut, Abbey, maybe Douglas Adams.
Cuz best I can tell, the only thing our political system is good at is fooling those who desperately want to be fooled. Those folks used to be the 10% on each fringe, but now they are a solid majority.
Despite my news blackout regime the release of the Jan 6 criminals has leaked through. Jeezus tap dancing Christ….
My best hope now is that even though pardoned, some REAL Americans will shun them and not hire or promote their asses. Maybe a spouse here and there dump them. Hell I’d take delight for even an occasional slip and fall for them on an ice patch or dead car batteries or……ok…that’s enough Herb.
Good morning Herb. I am addicted to these dam screens, especially the iPad. I considered a blackout or similar actions, but decided to check the news (NPR, BBC, AP, Rueters, and Arizona Public Media) just twice a day. We donate to PBS, NPR, AP, and AZPM. So far I have resisted the digital crack and doom scrolling. The 1500 pardons aren’t surprising to me. Asshole said he would do it, but then toyed with us for years about not pardoning the violent offenders. Fishing for votes was my conclusion. Got elected and pardoned them all. He once again displayed his true self, which many people seem to like. So, I have decided to punish myself, by sentencing myself to good beer, liberally applied. I may even buy another damn guitar, maybe a Martin this time. Perhaps a sunburst D-28?
Being late to the party, all I can say is reading through this post and the comments has actually put me in a good mood.
Wish I could remember all the lawyer jokes I used to know. Two of my teammates on the old Oahu Cycling Team/Team Bike Way (The Bike Way was a bike shop and our sponsor) were lawyers, and they used to pass the time in pacelines telling those jokes to each other. Was just another form of competition.
Seems all this fiction has become truth.
Q. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A. One is a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding scavenger. The other is just a fish.
Why don’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
How do you get a professional guitar player off your front porch? Pay for the pizza.
What’s perfect pitch? That’s when you throw a banjo into a dumpster and hit an accordion.
“A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.” — Tom Waits.
I just knew POB had done a few circuits doing vaudeville! I’ll join you in the beer punitive action with a Great Lakes Brewing Edmund Fitzgerald porter once the sun goes down. Wait…this is winter in Michigan….how can one tell? Think I’ll crack one now.
An Edmund Fitzgerald Porter? So good, that it goes down real fast?
Well Khal they in fact do and astute of you to see the connection. Great Lakes Brewing in Cleveland does some righteous brews. Dortmunder Gold is a summer fav in Herb Land. NOTE: despite the often acrimonious and belligerent relation of we in Michigan in regards to those “Cretins in Columbus” we will happily drink their beers. Because Cleveland is hard on the shore of Lake Erie, we consider that a plus since we can sail or motorboat there and avoid the infamous Ohio State Patrol cops who LOVE ticketing us at every opportunity. Of course everyone knows Cleveland “rocks” but the Hall of Fame aside, for a big metro area it’s pretty cool.