Category: Cops and robbers

Paging Vince Gilligan

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 20 Comments
Image lifted from the City of Albuquerque website.

O, Lord, it must be fun around the ol’ cop shop these days.

Take two steps forward toward getting out from under a Justice Department consent decree, take one back over some nonspecific fishiness involving DUIs, at least one local attorney, and an FBI investigation.

Online reports are light on details — more than 150 pending DUI cases dismissed, a number of Albuquerque Police Department officers placed on paid leave or reassigned, a lawyer’s office raided, etc. — and long on speculation. The Albuquerque Journal‘s print edition is a tad more specific, but it seems nobody feels very chatty in the early days of whatever this turns out to be.

APD spokesman Gilbert Gallegos told the Journal that APD had been working with the FBI “for the past several months on an investigation involving members of the department” and that “several” officers have been placed on paid administrative leave while the inquiry continues.

Of the 152 pending DWI cases dismissed, 136, or nearly 90%, were filed by three Albuquerque police officers, according to court records. One officer was responsible for 67 of the cases; another had 41; and the third was listed as the arresting officer on 28.

The Albuquerque Journal

Attorney Kari Morrissey, who has one client whose case was dismissed, told City Desk ABQ, “I will say that as a lawyer who has been practicing criminal defense in Albuquerque for almost 25 years, I am not surprised as to these developments.” 

John D’Amato, an attorney with the Albuquerque Police Officers’ Association, told City Desk ABQ he was aware of a pending criminal investigation, adding: “No comment is the word of the day. It’s developing and the facts are unclear.”

One thing is clear. We have statues of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman here in The Duck! City. But not of Frank Serpico. Or Saul Goodman, now that I think of it. That dude couldn’t even get an Emmy.

Wot’s all this then?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments

Officer Friendly is here to rifle through your Google user data.

“Probable cause? We ain’t got no probable cause. We don’t need no probable cause. I don’t have to show you any steenkeeng probable cause!”

Zachary McCoy was Just Riding Along™, not unlike thee and me, when the John Laws came calling for his Google user data. According to The Guardian:

McCoy later found out the request was part of an investigation into the burglary of a nearby home the year before. The evidence that cast him as a suspect was his location during his bike ride – information the police obtained from Google through what is called a geofence warrant. For simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, McCoy was being investigated and, as a result, his Google data was at risk of being handed over to the police.

No thank you, please, and fuck right off with that noise, Officer Friendly. How’s the song go? “Let me ride through the wide open country that I love / Don’t geofence me in.”

What a difference a day makes

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 33 Comments

“Say, does anyone else hear gunfire and sirens?”

If this shit had gone down 24 hours earlier Miss Mia Sopapilla and I would’ve been right in the thick of it.

Miss Mia had an appointment with the veterinarian, and the only thing between her clinic and this firefight is a Valvoline Instant Oil Change shop.

I imagine it’s slightly anaerobic to low-crawl through a fusillade with a cat carrier in one hand and a mask on your mug and only a few barrels of flammable liquids for cover.

Especially if someone has pooped in your pantalones. A fresh set of drawers is not the sort of instant change Valvoline provides.

Meanwhile, a word to the wise: Shooting the John Laws is exceptionally stupid, even for Duke City pistoleros. It only makes them mad. Plus it scares the cats.

Here’s hoping the injured officers recover quickly. I’m very much not looking forward to reading about what swell fellas their assailants were and how their grammies just can’t understand what got into them.

‘I don’t like to lose.’

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments

The UCI Cycling Esports World Championships sponsored by Zwift are to be held today, and mirabile dictu, the virtual cops will be on the lookout for the actual outlaws.

What are YOU on?
This dude is ready for his comeback.

It seems that digital “doping,” like actual doping, is a thing in these dark days. The same miscreants who will hitch a ride on a team car, hide tiny motors in their bicycles, and hotrod themselves with the drug du jour will manipulate the data like cadet James T. Kirk queering the Kobayashi Maru test at Starfleet Academy.

Tech blogger Ray Maker, speaking to The New York Times, suggested that Zwift is rife with the sort of shameless corner-cutting one used to see when bike races were still held outdoors, in the real world, where there are actual corners to cut.

“There’s so much cheating in Zwift that I think a lot of people would like to see more accountability,” said Maker, who writes the endurance sports technology blog DC Rainmaker.

A spokesman for Zwift, meanwhile, expressed confidence in the company’s ability “to catch cheaters and to police the races.”

Ho, ho, etc. Objection, your honor. Assumes facts not in evidence.

Super, heroes

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 15 Comments

“Just one more thing. …”
Photo hijacked from the Internet. So impeach me already.

So this is impeachment.

With just two counts at the moment — basically, being a dick and punking Congress — it feels a lot like a cop catching one of the FBI’s Most Wanted driving a stolen Brinks truck full of automatic weapons, fentanyl, and dead teenagers, and then warning the guy about a busted taillight and waving him on before getting back to his donut.

I’m not sure this is gonna be must-see TV for a viewing audience grown fat on “Watchmen,” “Avengers: Endgame” and “Crisis on Infinite Earths.” It’s more like Mickey Mouse.

And anyway, seriously, fuck a bunch of Batman. I think a lot of us would settle for Columbo right about now.