Happy trails, or the slime’s best inside the tires

January 28, 2020 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 11 Comments

It’s not all politics, podcasts, and posole around here. Some days I actually get outdoors to ride the bike.

But lately a bitter north wind has been whistling down our cul-de-sac, making the weather surrounding El Rancho Pendejo seem worse than it actually is.

The sun spends its mornings skulking around behind the Sandias, burning its daylight where I can’t see it. The trails seem a little muddier than usual for this time of year. And the streets are curb to curb with the usual multitasking mutts who think “hands-free” refers to their use of the steering wheel, not the cellphone.

Back when I was a man instead of whatever it is I am now, I’d ride wherever, whenever, in all manner of weather, fair and foul.

But that was then. And this . …

This is another thrilling episode of Radio Free Dogpatch!

P L A Y R A D I O F R E E D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder, then edited in Apple’s GarageBand on the 13-inch 2014 MacBook Pro. The pigpen belongs to zecraum at Freesound.org. Shovel and pickax courtesy CameronMusic at the same joint. The Dubliners gave out with “Poor Paddy Works On the Railway.” Tom Cotton and Alan Dershowitz address us through the holes in their lying arses. All other sonic enhancements are courtesy of Your Humble Narrator and his handy, dandy little Tascam DR-05 portable audio recorder.

The Peach Mint Lollipop, or ‘Hello, Sucker’

January 22, 2020January 22, 2020 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 15 Comments

Be careful what you ask for, they say.

I asked for impeachment. And now that I’ve gotten it. …

Well, for one, it looked a lot better online.

Two, it seems several sizes too small.

And three, it smells funny, like maybe a turtle dragged it down a toilet.

Nevertheless, here it is. And here we are, striding boldly down the runway wearing yet another fashionable edition of Radio Free Dogpatch.

P L A Y R A D I O F R E E D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder, then edited in Apple’s GarageBand on the 13-inch 2014 MacBook Pro. The background music is “Dramatic Climax” from Zapsplat.com. The party chatter comes from dbspin at Freesound.org with an underlay of “Buddy,” an iMovie jingle. And Nick Danger (“All Things Firesign”), Mark Time (“Dear Friends”), and Principal Poop (“Don’t Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers”) appear courtesy of The Firesign Theatre, without whom none of this would have been necessary.

The cat’s meow

January 20, 2020 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 26 Comments

Miss Mia Sopaipilla is content to serve the nation in a less-visible capacity.

The Democrats’ best choices for president? Amy Klobuchar and Elizabeth Warren, says the editorial board of The New York Times.

“Good on ’em,” replies Miss Mia Sopaipilla. “I will nominate myself for this sunny spot by the foot of the bed.”

Bringing down the House

January 17, 2020 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 18 Comments

The House managers walk the articles of impeachment over to the Senate.

Seems they’ve found a king who has got shit all over ’im.

His Lardship speaks

January 8, 2020January 8, 2020 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 19 Comments

The Lord High Mayor spoke from the Orchid Office atop Slob’s Knob.

The Lord High Mayor of Slobbiton, Douche Baggins, addressed the people this fair morn.

He announced that Iran “appears to be standing down,” and declared that Slobbiton stood ready “to embrace peace with all who seek it,” especially if they happen to be porn stars (there’s nothing like embracing a piece of a porn star).

He also denied rumors that Slobbiton would resume conscripting young Slobbitonians for its various misadventures abroad, adding that even if such an order were to be issued, it would be easily dodged.

“Trust me,” he said with a knowing wink. “I ran, and you can too.”