Category: Just Fucking Shoot Me

The 2021 Escalade Multiplex

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 45 Comments
This beast has nearly as much screen real estate as my living room. The difference is, my living room gets better mileage and won’t be found parked on top of a cyclist because I was having trouble deciding what to watch.

Call me old-fashioned, but when I read a statement like this …

The most important screen for any driver of the new Escalade is the 14.2-inch digital instrument cluster that sits just behind the steering wheel.

… I long for the days when editors, like, y’know, edited, an’ stuff.

I would argue that “the most important screen for any driver of the new Escalade” is the fucking windshield.

Our man at The Verge doesn’t get around to wondering whether this mechanized multiplex is a good idea until quite late in the piece. Given that the curb weight of the 2020 2WD model is 5,311 pounds, you may consider me a strong “No” on that question.

Nobody needs 38 inches of OLED on the ROAD, which s/he shares with pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists, and other, lesser autos, like UPS trucks, cement mixers, and SWAT-team armored cars. You want to play with screens, get a living room and a comfy chair.

Meanwhile, back in Iowa. …

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 15 Comments
The DNC strives to make chicken salad from … well … you know.

Reg: I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause.

Loretta: I second that, Reg.

Reg: Thank you, Loretta. On the nod. Siblings! Let us not be downhearted! One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!

• Editor’s note: My sense of humor briefly deserted me yesterday. But I think I should get off with crucifixion (first offense).

‘The Death of Iowa, Queen of Donks’

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 25 Comments
P’raps it comes from the zoo!
The Iowa Democratic Party, not the penguin.

Well, without Larry and The Professor around to keep an eye on things, Iowa has intercoursed the penguin, caucus-wise.

It’s a bit early for Valentine’s Day, but still, what a lovely gift to the Republicans, que no?

“They can’t even run a caucus in Iowa, and they want to run the country? We’ll have more on the Fake Iowa Caucuses later in our programme. In the meantime we present the first episode of a new radio drama series, ‘The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots.’ Part One: ‘The Beginning.’ ”

• Editor’s note: For anyone unfamiliar with the voodoo that they do so badly in Iowa, here’s John Nichols on the procedure.