‘The Death of Iowa, Queen of Donks’

P’raps it comes from the zoo!
The Iowa Democratic Party, not the penguin.

Well, without Larry and The Professor around to keep an eye on things, Iowa has intercoursed the penguin, caucus-wise.

It’s a bit early for Valentine’s Day, but still, what a lovely gift to the Republicans, que no?

“They can’t even run a caucus in Iowa, and they want to run the country? We’ll have more on the Fake Iowa Caucuses later in our programme. In the meantime we present the first episode of a new radio drama series, ‘The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots.’ Part One: ‘The Beginning.’ ”

• Editor’s note: For anyone unfamiliar with the voodoo that they do so badly in Iowa, here’s John Nichols on the procedure.

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25 Responses to “‘The Death of Iowa, Queen of Donks’”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Kinda what I was thinking. I belong to The Party That Couldn’t Shoot Straight.

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    National primaries and the elimination of the electoral college is the antidote for this toro poo poo. Brand new phone app used to report results, and according to the latest press the app was not tested enough, is not ignorance, it’s stupidity. They may have lost the presidential election with this stunt. The conspiracy theories have been launched by donnie’s campaign and don’t think for a minute it won’t come up tonight in some off script bullshit slinging in to the audience of the corrupt and stupid.

  3. Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

    I did the caucus thing in Iowa exactly ONCE. Back when Howard Dean was running. The thing was a complete fuster-cluck. I was a precinct captain for Dean, even picking up an old lady and driving her to our shindig – where she promptly jumped ship and supported John Kerry! I quit the Democratic Party after that fiasco and wouldn’t contribute a nickel to anything they run, though I continued to support individual candidates and did a little work for Obama when I feared Uncle Mitty might do what Don the Con managed a few years later. Let’s face it – you gotta be pretty lame to lose to a guy who bankrupted a couple of casinos, an airline, a pro football team, pays off porn stars, etc. but the Donk’s might just pull it off again…and Billary’s not helping, can someone tell her to STFU? She had her chance.
    And you know what my wife says…….

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Happy to oblige Larry.

      Billiary, STFU and go away, far away. You’re washed up, caput, finished, failed, and no longer needed in politics. If you keep mouthing off, you will help elect donny dipshit, just like last time.

    • khal spencer Says:

      As usual, what Larry’s wife says.

      I’ve about had it with the Democratic Party. I’ve been a registered (D) since I was 18 which was the year we eighteen year olds got the vote. Been a union shop steward twice, a union board of director member once, personally negotiated with Gov. Ben Cayetano during the U of Hawaii faculty strike in 2001, got flipped over a pickup truck hood while a picket captain on a picket line during that strike, and was called all sorts of unmentionables while fighting for marriage equality in Hawaii in 1998 when most of the so called liberal Democrats were hiding under their beds on that issue, and helped try to set up a Graduate Student Employee’s Union at Stony Brook. Oh, and those big checks to Obama and Kerry when we were DINKs and could afford it.

      So F–k anyone who wants to challenge my Donk credentials. But nowadays I cannot even expect a response from my (D) legislators on key issues because I am not a “progressive”. All they want is my G-D money.

      So Billary is mouthing off and we let the B team run the primary in Iowa using untested software. Once again, ominously, the D party seems poised to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Its a fuster-cluck indeed. I’ll retire to Bedlam. And, register as an (I).

      • SAO' Says:

        // So F–k anyone who wants to challenge my Donk credentials. //

        Reminds me of that line from The Untouchables

        Ness: Hey, wait a minute! What the hell kind of policemen you got in this god damn city? You just turned your back on an armed man.
        Malone: You’re a treasury officer.
        Ness: How do you know that? I just told you that.
        Malone: Who would claim to be that who was not? Hmm?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Even Charlie Pierce is starting to sound depressed, and it’s only February.

      But the old sportswriter should’ve said “professional cycling” instead of “professional wrestling.” As all of us know from bitter experience, it can take years to find out who really won a grand tour.

      • khal spencer Says:

        Ugh. Charlie sure did paint a depressing picture. If I recall correctly, it was the “enthusiasm gap’ that Michael Moore said would doom Billary’s campaign and provide for the coronation of El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago.

        I think I’ll camp out on the Rio Grand Gorge Bridge on election night and sell last glasses of brandy to all the jumpers.

      • SAO' Says:

        Amazing how well this has held up:

        https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2004/01/the-chieftains-and-the-church/302866/

        The Dems will always have a coalition problem. GOP’ers will vote for whomever they’re told to vote for. But three-fourths of the Dems will sit home and pout if their chosen one isn’t the party nom.

        • SAO' Says:

          For its part, the Democratic Party suffers from a different sort of incoherence: plagued by constant squabbling among the interest groups that make up its base, it cannot agree on a clear message or purpose. The sheer breadth of the Democratic coalition is remarkable: it includes organized labor, teachers’ and other public employees’ unions, environmentalists, racial minorities (especially African-Americans), Hollywood, trial lawyers, the gray lobby, the gay lobby, civil libertarians, pro-choice activists, and a good bit of Wall Street. Although this breadth might seem to be an asset for the Democrats, all these groups are veto-wielding factions when it comes to their respective chunks of the policy turf. This can be downright paralyzing.

          If the Republicans are now the Party of the Church, then the Democrats are the Party of the Chieftains. They treat an election almost like a parade: groups that otherwise have little in common come together every year or two, only to return to their niches afterward.

          • Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

            What annoys the hell out of me is the Donks that sit home and pout. Why? So they can say, “Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for X”? Somehow they need to understand that sitting home pouting is how we end up with crooks like Don the Con instead of Billary. I had to hold my nose to vote for her – it was as much a vote against Don the Con as anything. Why can’t these people see this?
            US elections are more and more and more, “choose the lesser of the two evils” and if you stay home you’re likely to end up with the more evil choice, as 2016 so well illustrated.
            But you know what my wife says…

        • khal spencer Says:

          That was a good piece. Not sure I read it first time around. The Dems are hitting for the bleachers this time around with universal health care/single payer. But is a single issue enough to bring together the “splitters”?

  4. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I get too much screen time and want instant results. Whaddayamean I gotta wait 8 hours? Waaaaaa, I want it now!!! But, little donnie’s crew jumped right in on the fumble and compared running a state caucus to running national health care. Who knew health care was that complicated?
    Is it too early to start drinking?

  5. Herb from Michigan Says:

    It would be cool is ALL the Crat candidates came out in an ad and told Clinton to STFU. I don’t know why they don’t put as much distance between her and themselves as possible? Even though she didn’t actually lose the election she is turning out to be a real loser.
    While I’m up on my hind legs…why didn’t Bloomberg run as an indy and stay out of the Crat Crap they always create? Wait a minute…why that crafty old fox might just slip in there and get the cake when the music stops. SAO is dead right. I’m watching a plethora of environmental groups all push the same basic agendas for clean water here in Pure Michigan. So they are redundant and all grubbing for the same donations instead of acting in lock step and centralized like you know…Rethuglicans. Ya gotta hand it to them when an actual minority (based on countless polling issues) rules over the majority.

  6. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    Jaysis, this Shadow-Acronym story just gets worser and worser. It sounds like a bunch of idea types and no coders.

    It does offer a plausible explanation for why Mayor Pete was so confident the numbers would tilt his way. His campaign was a client of Shadow.

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