Posts Tagged ‘jerseys’

Going, going. …

March 30, 2019

Unzip over to Voler to join the team! Use the Secret Code (OLDGUYS15) to get 15% off your purchase. And no, goddamnit, for the last time, it does not come with fries!

Just two days remain in the great Old Guys Who Get Fat in Winter Spring Jersey Sale over at Voler. Use the Secret Code — OLDGUYS15 — and you can get 15 percent off your purchase (but not your carcass).

Once April Fool’s Day stumbles around, wearing its badly made clown suit and ragged rubber nose, you’ll have to pay top dollar like the little people.

O, the horror! The two words no self-respecting bicycle-industry type can bear to hear — “full retail.”

Actually, I have been known to pay the f-r-word from time to time, because I like having bike shops around in case I need something, like products, services or some poor sod who’ll pretend that I’m a witty fellow, if only for as long as it takes to run the credit card.

I don’t want to have to drive to Bend, Oregon, to visit the last bike shop, the way some folks do the last Blockbuster.

The Farce Awakens

December 18, 2015
The Farce is strong with this one.

The Farce is strong with this one.

You haven’t ordered your new Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jersey yet? Saving your pennies for “The Force Awakens,” are you?

I find your lack of faith disturbing. …

Fat Guy Friday

November 27, 2015
The new, bigger-and-better-than-ever (but mostly bigger) Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jerseys, available now at Voler.

The new, bigger-and-better-than-ever (but mostly bigger) Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jerseys, available now at Voler.

Hey, you! Yeah, you … what are you doing there, with one jaundiced eye on the monitor and the other bleeding gravy into your Cheerios? It’s Black Friday, man! You’re supposed to be duking it out with someone over a two-buck “smart” toaster at Best Buy.

Not into it, hey? What are you, some sort of communist? How about proving your U-nited States of America American™ bona fides by ordering up one of these fine Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jerseys? For you, today only, no charge!*

* A small shipping and handling fee of $77 per garment applies.

Fat suit

October 19, 2015
The new, bigger-and-better-than-ever (but mostly bigger) Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jerseys, available now at Voler.

The new, bigger-and-better-than-ever (but mostly bigger) Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jerseys, available now at Voler.

Halloween is just around the corner (boogity boogity boogity), and you too can dress up like The Large One and go trick-or-treating (hey, free food!). All it takes is American money and a visit to the Mad Dog Media fashion collection at Voler.

Fat Kit Friday

July 31, 2015

FatGuy-TIght KitThe early reviews are in, and it seems that the revived Old Guy kit is running a little snug for some folks.

At 6 feet tall and 175 I feel OK in a large, but it’s summer, and winter is coming! So I might invest in an XL, if only for (ahem) layering purposes.

So, if you have any doubts at all as to whether your usual size will fit, you might consider going up one. There’s no shame in it. Shit, I gotta go 2XL in some of the Euro stuff unless I wanna look like a chorizo swelling up in a skillet.

And if worse comes to worst, Voler advises that they have a great return and exchange policy.

Fat city

July 27, 2015
It's what the all the well-dressed fat bastards are wearing this season.

It’s what the all the well-dressed fat bastards are wearing this season.

The new kit has landed at El Rancho Pendejo.

As usual, I seem to be between sizes — Voler’s large club suits me fine without an undershirt, but once I (ahem) bulk up for winter I may need to go to an XL. And to think my original is a medium. Sigh.

The full zip is a big improvement over the original edition, and so is the fabric. For starters, it’s lighter, which means you can have that extra donut for breakfast. But you can’t have the shorts — not yet, anyway. Them there is original bibs from Back In the Day™ and we’ve yet to bring them back to hideous life.

Chime in as your jerseys arrive and let me know what you think.

What do I think? I think I’ll go for a ride, that’s what I think. I think.

Fashion Friday, Part 2

June 26, 2015

coming-soonThe fine folks at Voler are beavering away at our little Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter jersey project.

The original artwork for versions 1 and 2 has been unearthed, some minor alterations in design are being made, and before you can say, “No, really, honey, this is every bit as important as a donation to Habitat for Humanity, Greenpeace or Doctors Without Borders,” an online store will be up and running.

And shortly thereafter I will be doing my best Scrooge McDuck imitation, rolling around in my private vault piled high with greenbacks.

Well, you’ll have some jerseys, anyway. The vault project may take a little more time to get up and running.

 

 

Wearables Wednesday

June 17, 2015
Getting my kicks on ... NM333?

Getting my kicks on … NM333?

Remember the large friendly letters inscribed on the cover of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?”

DON’T PANIC.

The Old Guy jersey wheels, they turn.

Voler and I are setting up a Produce On Demand partnership deal in which they will do all the work, you will get all the jerseys, and I — I will get a couple pennies for my trouble, which should be hardly any trouble at all, which is just the way I like it.

coming-soon

At the moment it looks as though we will revive Old Guys Jersey v2.0 first, and then add Original Old Guys to the catalog shortly thereafter. Fabric will be AMP; the cut, club; the zipper, full hidden; and the price, around $77, which includes shipping direct to you (untouched by the baby-soft hands of shovel-leaning Irish-American artistes).

Once everything is ready to rock you’ll see a link to my Voler.com partner page up there at right, under the jersey pix. Click that bad boy, give the nice peoples your credit-card number and delivery information, and you should have fresh kit in your hot little hands about seven working days later.

While all these multicolored Lycra balls were floating merrily in the air I took a short ride down memory lane, better known as Old Route 66 (NM 333), to Tijeras and back. I hadn’t gotten my kicks out that way since I last raced the Watermelon Mountain Classic, maybe 1990 or thereabouts, and a very nice ride it is, too, especially if you’re not headed in the other direction, chasing fast dudes to Duke City after climbing seven switchbacked miles of unimproved dirt Forest Service road between Bernalillo and the Sandia Ski Area.

I thought about continuing past Tijeras through Cedar Crest to the Triangle at Sandia Park, but Mister Boo has been experiencing a bout of intestinal distress, and I wasn’t eager to come home to a house that smelled worse than me. And there was all this damn’ jersey stuff needed doing, too.

So, yeah, my suffering knows no bounds, etc., et al., and so on and so forth. First thing I’m gonna do with the proceeds is get a new shovel to lean on between poop-scoopings.