Posts Tagged ‘Ronald McDonald Trump’

There goes the king

May 11, 2016
Budweiser overthrows its king and declares a republic.

Budweiser overthrows its king and declares a republic.

OK, here’s my pitch:

The commercial opens with a long shot of an inpenetrable, red-white-and-blue Wall being built along the U.S.-Mexico border. A Wall made of … wait for it … cans of America.

Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink. Pop. Hiss. Slurp. Clink.

In the background, Pink Floyd: “All in all it’s just another brick in the Wall.”

And finally, the scroll: “There’s is no other one. There’s only something less. America: You’ve been canned. Trump 2016.”

Pay me.

Grave consequences

May 4, 2016
One of these things is not like the other.

One of these things is not like the other.

On this day in 1865, Abraham Lincoln was laid to rest in his hometown of Springfield, Ill.

One hundred and 51 years later, Honest Abe is spinning in his grave.

Ordinarily I dismiss the “both sides do it” argument, but I think in this case we might agree that while the Pachyderms are the primary architect of this clusterfuck, the Donks share the blame for morphing into Republican Lite in the decades since Nixon flogged McGovern.

When both sides of the aisle focus on making themselves and their benefactors comfy-cozy as the working stiffs enjoy another tasty plate of shit soufflé, this is what you get.

I remember a snarky slogan from my faux-hippie days that seemed funny at the time: “America: Fix It or Fuck It.”

Coming to a ballot box near you in November 2016.

Butthurt Mountain

March 25, 2016
Oh, to live on Butthurt Mountain, with the barkers and the coiored balloons. ...

Oh, to live on Butthurt Mountain, with the barkers and the coiored balloons. …

Ho, ho. Texas Ted Cruz, the Gucci Shitkicker, who never saw a line he wouldn’t cross, wants to get Western with Ronald McDonald Trump over a perceived insult to his special lady.

What’s it gonna be, fellas? Secret Service details at 50 paces? Or maybe it’s Cruz getting all “West Side Story” with his monogrammed Harvard Law letter opener while Il Douche defends with a gang of undocumented Eastern European laborers erecting a yuuuuuuuuge wall of Chinese bricks purchased with someone else’s money.

“Spouses are generally seen as off limits,” says The New York Times. Uh huh. Tell that to the Hilldebeast and Michelle Obama, guys.

But how about mamas? It can’t be long before we’re into the yo’-mama stuff, right?

Just another brick in the wall

March 23, 2016
Anthony Quinn was a Meskin AND an A-rab! We should build two walls around his tomb, just in case he zombifies.

Anthony Quinn was a Meskin AND an A-rab! We should build two walls around his tomb, just in case he zombifies.

It’s long past time that we “patrol and secure” the GOP, which has already “become radicalized.”

Hey, let’s build a wall!

Jesus H. Christ. Remember when Republicans were the tough guys? Once they boldly hunted commies under America’s bed; now they cower beneath it like Chihuahua puppies afeared of the UPS man.

Who does look suspiciously coffee-colored, come to think of it. Ask him to quote from Two Corinthians to prove he’s a good Christian like the rest of us.

And no, I’m not talking about the old gag, “Two Corinthians walk into a bar. …”