Butthurt Mountain

Oh, to live on Butthurt Mountain, with the barkers and the coiored balloons. ...

Oh, to live on Butthurt Mountain, with the barkers and the coiored balloons. …

Ho, ho. Texas Ted Cruz, the Gucci Shitkicker, who never saw a line he wouldn’t cross, wants to get Western with Ronald McDonald Trump over a perceived insult to his special lady.

What’s it gonna be, fellas? Secret Service details at 50 paces? Or maybe it’s Cruz getting all “West Side Story” with his monogrammed Harvard Law letter opener while Il Douche defends with a gang of undocumented Eastern European laborers erecting a yuuuuuuuuge wall of Chinese bricks purchased with someone else’s money.

“Spouses are generally seen as off limits,” says The New York Times. Uh huh. Tell that to the Hilldebeast and Michelle Obama, guys.

But how about mamas? It can’t be long before we’re into the yo’-mama stuff, right?

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17 Responses to “Butthurt Mountain”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    There once was a man named Trump
    Who for years could not take a dump
    He yelled and he screamed
    The shit flew in the breeze
    And the people elected him president…

    Aye, yaye, yaye yaye
    Your mother swims out to the troopships
    So write me another verse
    That’s better than the first verse
    And let’s all enjoy that it’s Friday.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Hee, and also haw. I thought I was the only guy walking the earth who still used the old “your mom swims to troopships” chestnut.

    • khal spencer Says:

      We are a dying breed. Some will approve of that.

      Back when I was an undergrad and Neanderthals roamed geology department hallways, The Univ. of Rochester Geology Dept. ran an annual two week field camp up in the Adirondack Mountains. Most nights after dinner were spent around a campfire, with liberal amounts of beer flowing, singing the raunchiest limricks you would ever believe were invented.

      Imagine if that were done nowdays. The P.C. Police would be demanding that heads roll, and countless students would be wrought with the PTSD brought on by micro-aggression.

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    It’s more than I can bear. Our antidote to this political poison is binge watching the Marx Brothers. We started with Cocoanuts and will end with Night at the Opera. Yea, we own them on DVD.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Seems Duck Soup is most appropriate to today’s politics.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      It’s in the lineup. Wednesday was Animal Crackers. This afternoon is Monkey business. To be followed by Horse Feathers, Duck Soup, and then Night at the Opera for the finale.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I’ve watched all the Marx Brothers’ movies so many times I’ve lost count. So many times, in fact, that once I caught a school-board member trying to run a gag past our reporter, who was writing up the district’s search for a new superintendent.

      “That’s straight out of ‘Horse Feathers,'” I told the city editor when the story landed in my queue on the copy desk.

      “Bullshit,” she sez ta me, she sez.

      “Check with the library, it’s right next door,” sez I, I sez.

      I got a cash bonus for that one.

      The reporter got all up in the board member’s grill afterward, and he basically laughed it off, told her not to be so gullible.

      A lesson for us all, no?

  3. Steve O Says:

    If the GOP gives a shit about 2020, they’d cancel the convention and concede 2016. Burn it down, start all over.

  4. Steve O Says:

    So, Trump’s going to spill the beans, eh?

    Seems he still owes us that major scoop he promised us after sending his investigators to Hawaii to dig up birth certificate fodder.

    Promise in one hand, shit in the other, see which fills up first.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      And now comes Trump buddy David Pecker (!) and the Enquirer to claim that the Gucci Shitkicker has been firing his, uh, weapon, outside the bounds of Holy Macaroni.

      The amusing thing is, it’s pretty much way too late to crack the usual bag of dirty tricks against Il Douche. You could catch him in bed with the Shitkicker’s dead wife and the live son of Paul “Lyin'” Ryan and his fan base would believe it’s all a conspiracy against We the People.

  5. Pat O'Brien Says:

    “If you want to shrink something, you must first allow it to expand.”
    Tao te Ching – Translation by Stephen Mitchell
    The republican fart ballon is about ready to burst. One more blast of bullshit from those two, or a stray spark, is all it will take to blow them out of the running in November. Hopefully, if it keeps up, the republicans in congress will also lose in droves. This becomes a real possibility if the turnout is big. My fingers are crossed.

  6. Hurben Says:

    Sweet Jesus, all I hope is that we pull the curtains & hunker down & hope that you forget about us.

    Fuck, your politics are scary.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      That’s true Hurben. I’ve noticed that ABC and Radio New Zealand have not given any coverage to the pissing contest these two clowns are engaged in. What astounds me is that 30 percent of that party’s members believe a silver spoon billionaire and a Harvard educated lawyer with an investment banker for a wife, Goldman Sachs no less, care about them.

  7. Pat O'Brien Says:

    You dirty rat…..

  8. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Birdie Sanders for President.

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