So I’m noodling around in the Elena Gallegos Open Space on the Soma Double Cross, enjoying a fine mist of a light drizzle and temps in the low 70s, when a good-sized coyote ambles into my path on a fast, double-track descent.
In broad daylight.
I’d been dodging lizards all morning, so the coyote sighting instantly brought Marc Maron‘s 2020 Netflix standup “End Times Fun” to mind.
I couldn’t find that particular video clip online, so I’ll have to make do with a transcript from scrapsfromtheloft.com.
Here’s the weird thing about being a Jew. You know, I’m not religious, but I am prone to prophecy. Um, and I don’t mean that in an arrogant way. I’m not saying I’m a prophet, but if I’m terrified, I’ll go mystical, you know? I mean, I don’t mind. I’ll do it. And sometimes it doesn’t make sense. It makes sense to me, but, like, I’ll give you an example. [inhales sharply] Like, I was hiking and, um. … This wasn’t too long ago, and I’m looking at the ground, I realized, “Wow, a lot more lizards now.” I don’t know what that means, but … like, I think it’s deep. I think that Trump has opened the lizard portal and I … think you should share that. Why can’t that be a little thing of information that you spread around a little bit? Just walk up to somebody, like, say, “Maron said the lizard portal’s open.” And people will be like, “What the fuck are you talking about?” And you’re like, “I don’t know, but it sounds scary. Sounds real. Sounds like it’s happening.” “The lizard portal?” “Yup, the lizard portal is open. Saw a coyote out during the day. That’s not right, they’re nighttime monsters. You gonna tell me the lizard portal isn’t open, it is, and day coyotes are among us, and you’re gonna say that’s not a fucking problem? That’s not a harbinger of what’s happening?”
Lizard portal open? Check. Day coyotes? Roger. Oh, yeah, and did I mention he followed with a riff on (wait for it) fire season?
Our state is on fire right now. It’s on fire all the time. Every year, California is on fire to the point where it’s just the way it is. Two weeks ago, my friend Lynn said, “Aren’t the fires a little late this year?” How is that something you say … like it’s a season? It kinda is a season. Once a year, if you live in California, you’re like, “Ah, fuck, there are ants and shit’s burning. Must be summer.”
Maron’s a former Burqueño, so you know he wasn’t just talking about California. His dad still lives here. I’m certain he’s hiked the Elena Gallegos, seen the coyotes and lizards, smelled the smoke.
Hey, I’m Irish. Not religious. But I know a prophet when I see one.
Mad Blog Media 
I doubt anyone here has a truth social account, but it would be fun to post there that dumpster has opened the lizard portal. I’m thinking they would spin the shit out of that.
Does anyone have a Truth Social account? The stock is tanking, according to Kevin Drum and The Old Gray Lady.
I realize you don’t need an account to make a bad investment, but still. Quoth Mother Times:
I carry Sabre Red Pepper Gel when walking with Duffy, Sandy, or by myself. I’m more worried about dogs than people, but it will handle either without permanent harm. After two close encounters with large and aggressive dogs, one on the bike and one off, I started carrying it and haven’t stopped. Yes, I do practice with it.
Yep, just dumpster cultists and foreign interests trying to buy the presidency buying that stock. During the first quarter they also spent $327 million. Piss poor investment for sure, but maybe the biggest cash con the world has ever seen? Even if the stock share price sinks to $10, the dumpster still will cash out $10.3 million in a few months with no initial investment. None, and his brats and Devin have zero money invested.
Like syphilis, gonorrhea, and the plague, I’ve managed to avoid Truth Social.
Day coyotes and lizards? Rattlesnakes sunning themselves on a curve in the singletrack? I’ll take them. Not so much the drivers around here.
So I am riding home yesterday at the end of a bike ride and headed SW on West San Francisco towards home in Casa Solana. West San Francisco is a narrow street with lanes too narrow to share so a motorist has to overtake across the centerline. Approaching Il Vicino (at the corner of W. San Francisco and Guadalupe) riding in the right third of the lane, I hear a car come up behind me and the motorist lays on the horn when he is a few feet behind me. So I’m startled, and I say “WHAT?”. The light turns red in front of both of us and Junior gets out of his car and takes a step towards me.
So I look at him and say “You know, I have the same right to be here you do.” Junior glares at me, I stare back. He finally mutters something, gets in his car, and drives off.
I figure no threat uttered, just an attempt at intimidation. Is there a legal line as far as road rage or when to call 911? That’s the first time someone has pulled that on me in Santa Fe.
It is getting a little weird out there. Along with the Midnight Fast and Furious stuff every night, my wife was almost t-boned by a flagrant red light runner the other day.
Today I took the plunge. Went over to The Outdoorsman and bought a pepper spray dispenser that fits in a jersey pocket. Because you never know. And I don’t want to immediately go from 1 to 11 with that 9mm hole punch machine.
You never know when this shit is gonna turn Western on you.
My assumption down here is samey same as it was in Bibleburg: That everybody is armed and that every interaction is a gunfight waiting to happen. Alas, I am always a gun short of a fight when on the bike.
I’ve thought about carrying pepper spray but have resisted the urge so far. But our streets are a little less cramped than yours. Higher speeds, but more room to maneuver.
Speaking of the Midnight Fast and Furious stuff, you oughta hear Tramway. Full race, all day, all night, 24/7. It’s a state highway, but I have seen exactly one trooper writing up a motorist in 10 years. I heard less engine roar from the old quarter-mile oval in east B-burg back in the Sixties.
As a kid, I grew up about a mile from Lancaster Speedway, which was a bona fide drag racing location that included various stock, stock modified, and fuel drag racers (and in those days, drag meant the cars, not the drivers). During the summer, you could hear that stuff every weekend. Very similar to being woken up by the St. Francis Drive and Cerrillos Road drag strips.
Sounds like it might be a twin to Bush Turnpike that’s within earshot of Casa de El Poeta with the actual racing between 0100 and 0400 and just constant noise the rest of the time
E. M. “only connect” Forster would agree, Patrick. Checks the mystical element of Forster’s work, too.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve never read any E.M. Forster. I know of him based on the movies made of his work — “Howards End,” “A Room with a View,” etc. The Merchant Ivory people sure seemed to think the world of him. I may have to have a peek.
Lately I’ve been rereading a couple Kevin Barry short-story collections. Irish fella, great stuff (which should go without saying). He has a new novel due out directly.
Those fuchsia blossoms jump out of your picture like crazy. It’s got to be one of coolest you’ve sent our way. It looks like the pathway is racing the clouds to the summit of the hill- for what adventure we don’t know but it is surely dramatic.
Thanks, Herb old fuchsia-blossom special. At the trees the trail hits a short, nasty stretch of sharp, rocky, up-and-down that I haven’t ridden in a while. Not on 35mm tires, anyway. I usually hang a right at the cacti for the fast descent where I saw the coyote.
One of these days I gotta take something with fat tires into the sharp rocks to see what’s what. It’s a whole lot safer to ride that section as a climb rather than a descent.