Many years ago a managing editor asked me why I didn’t work harder at writing than cartooning, hinting that he thought me a better writer than scribbler, and now and then I’m forced to agree with him.
Case in point: Today’s Foaming Rant over at VeloNews.com began life yesterday as a cartoon. A couple hours and a half-dozen half-starts later I crumpled up the various rough drafts, shit-canned them and made a sharp left turn from the drawing board to the iMac.
This morning, what had originally been a one-panel sight gag is a 300-word setup for a five-word punch line, with a Photoshopped pic of Paddy McQuaid plus links to McQuaid’s open letter to pro riders and a YouTube video of Elvis Costello and the Attractions performing “Radio, Radio.”
Whether all that’s an improvement over a cartoon is open to debate. But it’s certainly an improvement over the one I was trying to draw yesterday.
Mad Blog Media 
‘Tis good to see a lively debate on the difference between “feckin'” and “fookin’.”
Fookin-A, Chris…
Faith, ’tis a literary shower of bastards we have in comments so.
And here you had me thinking of Ronnie Raygun and his immortal “the bombing start in 5 minutes..” speech to the people. Drek auf dem teller.
Hey, Ben … the wit and wisdom of Ronald Reagan, eh? I knew I had made a hideous mistake back in 1980 when I changed newspapers only to find myself working for an outfit full of young Reaganites. I felt the way Barry Goldwater might have at stumbling into a meeting of the October League.
Patrick I see your dilemma. After reading your wonderful Foaming Rant I saw ‘pictures’ of a different kind. Moving pictures. I saw a scene out of ‘The quiet Man’ as casting inspiration. Victor McLaglen (Squire Will Danaher – self-centered blowhard brother of Maureen O’Hara’s ‘Mary Kate’) to portray Pat McQuaid. Jack MacGowran,, ‘Feeney’, ‘Danaher’s’ impish right-hand man, cast to perfection as the radio guy who gingerly points out the obvious. Patrick you will assume the role of John Ford, director. Or would you prefer ‘Sean Thornton’, the retired boxer, the John Wayne role?
Hey, Libby … I haven’t seen “The Quiet Man” in a good long while. I may have to dig that rascal up, as my memory of it is uncertain.
Actually, what set me off was probably an old St. Patrick’s Day habit: I generally read a little Roddy Doyle or Frank O’Connor, maybe some Flann O’Brien or Liam O’Flaherty, while listening to way too much Planxty, Clannad, Pogues and what have you. Occasionally a viewing of “The Commitments” or “Waking Ned Devine” sneaks in. If I drink enough uisque beatha I’m liable to start playing the flute, or worse, singing.
This may mark the first time that I’ve taken to writing a rant in dialect, though. Usually I have enough trouble writing in U-nited States of America English, much less some class of theatrical shanty Irish.
I hope O’Connor doesn’t haunt me for it. Or worse, Shane MacGowan pop round and breathe on me.
Nope, writing in dialect made the piece work. Your editor was right. It may be more work, but you can uncork ’em. Not many people can make dialect work in their writing.
The real issue is over whether the athletes can have a voice in the sport. It’s just terrible when the hired help gets uppity. Unlike baseball or football, however, the bike racers don’t have an effective union. And I’ve been following pro bike racing for longer than I care to admit, and I still can’t tell who “owns” cycling.
Hey, Jon … thanks. It was fun to do, in any case. A guy can’t foam at the mouth all the time, f’chrissakes. Lyle Lovett commented on the importance of being silly a while back on “Bob Edwards Weekend,” and I couldn’t have agreed more.
Honestly Patrick I don’t know why you write this stuff for MellowShoes. I read the rant and the first comment I read began with “If this cheap, poorly thought out rant isn’t proof that…”
Well whomever put fingers to keyboard to ‘pen’ that response should be culled from the herd because obviously they missed the point, sarcasm and humor in the “rant.” Your talents are wasted on that lot of chamois sniffers, tri geeks and weight weenies. Not that deBRAIN would do any better. Maybe the Onion?
Alas, James, the comments go with the territory these days. There’s no escape. You should see the comments appended to stories in the local fish-wrapper. Good God. It’s hard to believe we’re all the same species when you read ’em.
True dat Pat. Well maybe not there in the Springs of Biblethumbers, but any fish wrap across the land. I guess the unemployable need a place to feel important once the Rush/Glenn shows are done.
It was a fookin’ great rant OG! Even if that pronunciation might be Scottish (can’t see Groundskeeper Willie sayin’ that but what do I know?) or something else. A RIDERS union might be good, but right now the real battle is between the team DIRECTORS and the UCI, any riders saying radios are ruining the sport are being shouted down for the most part. It would be great to see RIDERS going on strike when their bus pulls over and they’re told by the management to take the transfusions!
It was classic rant.
I left out the A, my brain is water soaked with all this rain up here on the north coast of ca.