Pro cycling challenged

The peloton rockets down Tejon Street in Bibleburg during stage five of the 2012 USA Pro Challenge. Photo: Herself | Mad Dog Media

Well, shucks. I didn’t have a chance to observe first-hand the USA Pro Challenge as it barreled through Bibleburg.

I’m often critical of pro cycling, but I still like to watch it, the way some guys like to look at fake tits. Happily, Herself, who has neither need nor desire for surgical enhancement — not that this is any of your business — cycled downtown to observe the festivities on my behalf, as I was buried in chores that reminded me of the time I tried to dig my way out of the Supermax in Florence wielding only a cracked plastic spoon, a Mason jar of pruno and a finely honed sense of moral superiority.

Still, I was able to watch stage five from Chez Dog, via Adobe Tour Tracker, and as I had anticipated, spectatorship seemed sparse, confined mostly to Bibleburg’s infamous drinkin’-an’-fightin’ ghetto on Tejon, between Bijou and Colorado. Happily for those who earn a living from such things, the camera adds 10 pounds to everything, including crowd estimates.

Damiano Caruso (Liquigas-Cannondale) screwed the pooch on the finishing circuit, sprinting to victory a lap before everyone else even bothered to queue up. And who can blame him? Given the altitude at home, he might as well be racing on Mars against the Curiosity rover, sans spacesuit.

Tyler Farrar won, with Taylor Phinney second, and now everything shifts north to the People’s Republic, where I expect the crowds will turn out for real on Flagstaff Mountain. I won’t be there, either. But I will be watching via streaming video between chores, if only because Herself won’t let me watch videos of … well … you know.

4 Responses to “Pro cycling challenged”

  1. Steve O Says:

    Two wins for Tyler, although it would take the team rosters section of the press pack, a magnifying lens, and a good sense of humor to figure out who the next best sprinter out there is. I loved Freddy Rod when he was in his prime, but when he’s a year out of retirement and just a couple of year from earning his WalMart greeter’s vest, and he’s still in the mix at the finish, you know we’re not talking Cipo v. Steels action.

  2. Jon Paulos Says:

    After I read this to my wife, she asked me if your wife beats you up for writing that. Then she asked how your cats are doing. I guess we now know what’s important in life.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Jon, you may inform your wife that Herself is not shy about unlimbering a dope slap from time to time. She is small in stature but large in ferocity.

      Al the fuzzballs are ticking along nicely. They very much enjoyed last week’s cooler weather, but they weren’t so keen on the painters, drywallers and plumbers marching in and out. Except for Buddy, who thinks everyone is his bestest pal ever, especially if they happen to be packing anything resembling food.

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