A gay old time

"Don't we have anything to read in here that isn't a bicycle magazine?"

“Don’t we have anything to read in here that isn’t a bicycle magazine?”

That little Albuquerque training camp spoiled me for the remainder of February in Colorado.

After a week of long, steady distance in springlike temperatures, coming back to winter flat crawled up my butt. Twenty, feels like 10, y’say? Well, to hell with that, I think I’ll just stay inside and eat everything, watch Arizona try to out-stupid Colorado. Next these sunburnt simpletons will be issuing 55-gallon spray cans of Homo-NoMo® to the National Guard. Send the bill to the po’ folks, sonny, this here’s a Christian state.

Anyway, I was in danger of reaching that tipping point at which my inner fat bastard says, “Fuck a bunch of bicycles, let’s sell ’em all and buy a pie factory.” And it struck me that the problem wasn’t so much the weather as it was riding other people’s bikes all the damn’ time. Inspecting this, questioning that, making notes about it all — this is not unlike riding a couch in the company of a psychotherapist.

“How does that 30-inch low gear make you feel, Patrick?”

“Like a fat little girl with polio, you head-shrinking halfwit. Now shut the fuck up, I’m trying to climb this hill without chowing on the handlebar tape.”

So today I dragged the old Voodoo Nakisi out of the garage, aired up its Bruce Gordon Rock n’ Roads, and rode off to see how many times I could fall down on the ice in Palmer Park (none, though one sneaky patch in the South Cañon nearly got me). It was a beautiful day and I hardly endured any shrinkage at all, being covered from tonsure to toenails in colorful fossil-fuel weather repellent.

I even saw one bozo riding in shorts. Take that, Arizona.

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22 Responses to “A gay old time”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Good friend of mine in Honolulu, who recently retired from his job as a meteorology professor, had polio as a kid. Not bad enough to put him in a wheelchair, though. He used to run marathons but now in his mid sixties, the leg is getting weak. Big fellow never let the bastards get him down.

    Here’s a lift of the cup to Jonas Salk, for the sake of all us kids who never had to worry about that terror.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Those of us of a certain age (harumph) all knew at least one polio victim. Had we been born 10 years earlier, we might not have been the dancing fools that we were in our misspent youth.

      I read recently that the disease has been making something of a comeback, and that a polio-like illness has popped up in California. How parents can get through a day on this planet without peeing their pants in terror is a mystery to me.

      • veloben Says:

        Well some of them ‘parents’ are stupid enough to know all vaccines are the real problem. So now we have a pool of vaccinated incubators that didn’t exist before.

  2. Larry T. Says:

    We’re off to (now rainy, but no thanks to us I guess) SoCal tomorrow. The forecast is not for biblical proportion rainfall and the sun should return by Sunday or Monday we hope.
    Arizona is an odd place, look who they have for a Senator. I had to laugh when ol’ “Get off my lawn” McCain said something the President did was an embarrassment. THIS coming from the guy who chose “Princess Dumbass of the North” as his vice-prez?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Good on you, Larry. If nothing else, rain will make a nice change from snow, hey?

      Arizona is odd indeed. Like Bibleburg, the place suffers from an infestation of old white guys capable of holding two contradictory statements in their minds at the same time (“Keep your goldurned feddle-gummint hands off my Social Security!”)

      At least here winter controls their numbers somewhat. One slip on the ice and we put ’em down.

      • Larry T. Says:

        We got no snow. If we had snow at least I could put the XC skis on and flounder around in the cold to generate some heat. Meanwhile we have those same folks concerned with the socialist death-panels getting control of their Social Security AND their Medicare…but you know what my wife says…

    • khal spencer Says:

      I don’t know what became of my cousin, a nice East Coast Liberal(tm) to move to Arizona. No amount of sunshine would convince me to move to a state with so much intellectual rot.

  3. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    Guys, I’m doing my best to counter balance the political situation here. But, it is getting more difficult. Problem is, like in many other places, that many of the eligible voters, and I suspect younger ones, just don’t vote. Using state data for the 2012 election, the total turnout was just over 50%. In old honky heavy areas, like Prescott, the turnout was 62%. Guess how they vote. Straight party line, low information, and single party brain dead dickweeds, all of them. Turnout in non-prez elections is pitiful, less than 40%. So we get the likes of McCain, Brewer, and the current state legislature.

    Don’t give up on your cousin Khal, unless she has already turned to the dark side. University/college towns here are OK, save Prescott.

    SB1062 was drafted by a group in Phoenix, the Center for Arizona Policy. They are an evangelical Christian lobbying group, and a real piece of work. Here is a decent summary of the bill so you can make up your own mind. The 24 hour “news” cycle really churned this spoiled cream into a mountain of stinky whipped butter.


    • Larry T. Says:

      I’m always tempted (and sometimes do) to ask these so-called CHRISTIANS about the fellow they worship. Is this the same guy who hung out with the whores and money-changers? The same guy with the “do unto others” slogan? Or is this some other fellow with the same name who was really a distant relative of Rush Windbag? They get rather riled up when I ask “To whom would Jesus deny healthcare, human rights, etc.?” That question got me kicked out of our local congressman’s (Steve “Cantaloupe” King) office years ago.

  4. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    Jeez Louise, what I really meant to say was good on ya Patrick getting out to ride without mixing work into it. I really enjoyed the 1% Theater review of the Nobilette! Guess I better renew my Adventure cycling membership for another year.

  5. veloben Says:

    Geez I wish it would hit 20 degrees around here. We’re at 10 and headed back to low single digit highs starting tomorrow. If I could ride It would be OKish, but the roads have lots of patches of black and glare ice along the edges. Not cool. And I’ve been wanting to try out the new 18 inch low gear I just added to the touring bike.

    Oh well more trainer time Saturday.

  6. Charley Says:

    I went from a Nevada drivers license to an Arizona drivers license in December. The IQ average in Nevada went down, the IQ average in Arizona went up. Wishful thinking!
    Politically the state really sucks!
    But the bike riding and the weather, I guess I to have to say makes up for it.

  7. weaksides Says:

    Well gentlemen, I wish I could lament with you on the local weather- alas the politics here are disappointingly similar to AZs as well.

    Some of you may recall a few weeks ago I was trying to log a solo century for the month of February- with an ultimate goal of one century every month this year. Well those plans are on hiatus for now since I was apparently nailed from behind Sunday night at 45ish mph. The scorecard shows fractured left hip, 3 fractured vertebra, 3 ribs, a fractured sternum, a newly fractured right collarbone(surgically repaired in 2012), and a pretty nice hole in my tongue from the impact which had to be sutured.

    So there you go everyone, it could be worse somewhere else.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Jeez louise, that sounds hideous. Did the driver stop, and was he/she cited?

      “Could be worse,” indeed. I got nothing to bitch about. Here’s hoping for a full and speedy recovery.

      • weaksides Says:

        Yes pog, the driver seems to be who called the medics. I haven’t spoken to the trooper since that night (and don’t recall much of that now because I was still trying to process the whole thing). My wife and riding friend have spoken to him, and all I really know from that is that the driver “didn’t see me” and “that I didn’t have an reflectors”.

        This last is sort of true in that I don’t have any traditional reflectors, but I did have a flashing red light and some reflective points on various bike parts; so take all that for what it’s worth.

        Pob, I apologize for bumming out the dogsite; but this most definitely means I won’t be around NAHBS in a couple weeks.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        At least the driver rang up the medics, though I deliver a wet Bronx cheer for the “didn’t see him” defense. I met an old friend while out riding yesterday and we agreed that we’re spending more time on the trail and less on the road for this very reason. We’re too old and poor to get pinned and plated; the ambulance drivers will probably just shoot us where we lay.

      • Patrick O'Brien Says:

        Weaksides, my “well, shit” was about one of us having a collision with a car, especially when you don’t even see it coming. Missing the NAHBS stinks too. Do you at least get all the pie and ice cream you want?

    • psobrien Says:

      Well, shit. That is the last thing I wanted to read at Mr. O’Grady’s online casita. Heal up quick buddy.

    • B Lester Says:

      Hope the recuperation isn’t too long or onerous. Please know that we’re in your corner. Sometimes you just feel like a target……

  8. Ira Says:

  9. Cars don’t play | Mad Blog Media Says:

    […] fortunate, alas. In comments, he advises that he’s enduring in-patient therapy after getting blitzed from behind by a car, and his condition may keep him out of his own damn’ home for a while. So shoot him […]

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