It’s only a model

I think I’ve figured out how the Limeys Yorkies have managed to turn out these insane crowds for the Tour.

Prime Minister David Cameron conspired with industry to simultaneously lay everybody off and evict them from their flats, then gave each of the poor sods a free pint and told them, “Right, you lot, now go stand over there and yell at the nice cycle fellows, and we’ll give you another.”

The smart money in today’s nine-climb quad-snapper was on Peter Sagan, but he was unwilling to chase down his pal Vincenzo Nibali in the finale, and thus we have Nibbles in The Big Shirt and his buddy Wolverine in the green, and also the white.

Charles Pelkey and I were at it again over to Live Update Guy, but I wasn’t able to chime in often, having other chores and not being much of a multitasker.

I did, however, contribute a couple bits of trivia: Mr. F.G. Superman, a.k.a. Bicycle Repairman, a.k.a. Michael Palin of Monty Python, is a native of Sheffield, where today’s stage concluded. Also, the comedy “The Full Monty” was about a clot of idle steelworkers turned stripper in that very same town.

Tomorrow brings a 155km stage from Cambridge to London that looks like one for the sprinters. And on Tuesday, the Tour finally gets round to visiting France for stage 4, a 163.5km leg from Le Touquet-Paris-Plage to Lille Métropole with a couple of category-4 climbs.

Wednesday is crunch day. Nine sectors of cobbles along the 155.5km road from Ypres to Arenberg-Porte du Hainaut will separate the sheep from the goats. Everybody must get stoned.

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9 Responses to “It’s only a model”

  1. Steve O Says:

    Employment is so yesterday.

    Like my buds on the side of the road across the pond, we’re not under-employed. We’re early adopters

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      For reals. I was ahead of the curve when I laid myself off in 1991. Now a couple of magazines and the Internets get a copy editor, a writer and a cartoonist for less than the price of one staffer, and they don’t even have to look at me, much less provide cube space, computer/software/IT support, phone, sick leave, 401(k) or paid vacation.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Another 1 percenter monopoly builder who doesn’t know there are 7.5 billion, soon to be 9 billion, reasons that he is wrong. Fuck Google.

  2. cpsingleton42 Says:

    Firstly, we are not Limeys, we are Yorkies, or Tykes!
    Secondly, too right we were offered good Yorkshire beer and a Yorkshire Pud with onion gravy, that’s the only way we would stand by the road and cheer idiots on two wheels. We weren’t cheering their achievements, we were yelling to scare them into a crash!

    Unfortunately we miscalculated and sent our fellow Yorkie towards the tarmac just as he was about to win! Oops!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Almost did the same thing myself while watching the Coors Classic. Set my beer in the road so I could applaud as the lads rode past, and realized too late that their wheels were whizzing past about 2mm from my beer.

      I feared for that beer. But I feared more for the cyclists who might clip it, come down in a bloody heap, and then join the other spectators in beating the Guinness and spuds out of me.

      I always thought Yorkies were them little dogs you see fat ladies carrying around in their purses. Also called “very expensive cat food.” I stand corrected and offer my most humble apologies.

      • cpsingleton42 Says:

        Now that would be an headline!! Lol
        Your apology is accepted. Haha
        Cyclists and women who carry dogs: two bugbears!

  3. Larry T. Says:

    Ironic that it’s so often the Brits going on about the crazy “tifosi” who are out-of-control at the Giro each year…but when Le Beeg Shew comes to town, they’re spilling into the roads and causing havoc. Great to see Nibali seize the chance to win rather than riding around trying not to lose for three weeks. I’m looking forward to the challenge of the pave too….why not reward skilled bike handling and technique as much as how many watts someone can crank out going uphill? We’ll be in the Dolomites tomorrow.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Add the new phenomenon of “selfies” into to the mix of alcohol, ignorance of racing speed, and stupidity and you have problems. No wonder the riders are bitching a little. These fans stopped the peloton more than once. Bad enough on the flats, but getting stopped on a climb is a pisser.

      Have a great ride through the Dolomites with no mechanicals or flats.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      And I just realized that the Giro Rosa started and Vos took the prologue. I think I am paying attention to the wrong race.

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