A dog’s breakfast

You won't see that many dicks on stage at a Chippendales show.

You won’t see that many dicks on stage at a Chippendales show.

Every time I think we’ve hit rock bottom, it turns out there’s another layer underneath. And another. Aaaaaannnnd another.

I had considered watching last night’s GOP “debate,” certain that the lesser evils would be going after the big one hammer and tongs. But I decided against it, not wanting to give Fox the eyeballs, and instead followed along via The New York Times live updates.

Hijo, madre, puto, cabron.

Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy a good dick joke as much as the next fella (“Yeah, and it deep, too!”). But these dicks were decidedly unfunny, like the Original Dick, Richard Milhaus Nixon, who wandered the White House full of cheap hooch and arguing with the paintings when he wasn’t using the Constitution as a coaster for his gin mug or a wipe for his bum.

Monkeys came to mind. Specifically, King Kong atop the Empire State Building. Then feral dogs, as in the final few paragraphs of Chapter 3 of “The Call of the Wild.” And finally, “Animal House.”

Fox and Megyn Kelly clearly came prepared to give Mooselini the sort of terminal wedgie which would insure that only feral dogs could hear him for the remainder of this campaign cycle. He’s the belligerent drunk that nobody wants at the party, even the Republican Party. But none of these pampered poodles — not Marco 3P0, not Texas Ted Cruz, the Gucci Shitkicker, and certainly not the RomneyBot Mark IV — could give him the heave-ho last night, and he’s still at it this morning.

Somebody tell Reince Priebus he’s gonna need a bigger dick. Dog. Whatever.

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21 Responses to “A dog’s breakfast”

  1. Ira Says:

    This whole thing is a bad reality show gone wrong. It would be funny as hell if it weren’t for the potential harm to the entire planet. Can Drumpf win the presidency? I would have said no a few years back, but after watching Rob Ford take the mayor’s race in Toronto, I believe anything is possible.

    And Jesus wept. (That’s pronounced Haysues, he’s my Mexican neighbour.)

    • khal spencer Says:

      Yep. Its the Rob Ford (or for that matter, Stephan Harper, aka “Harperman” syndrome that worries me. People willfully voting against their best interest. As Larry’s wife says….

  2. Sharon Says:

    Truth is stranger than fiction. You can’t make this stuff up…or maybe humans are de-evolving.

  3. Steve O Says:

    I thought about watching, and then decided that a do it yourself root canal sounded like more fun.

  4. Chris Coursey Says:

    You insult “Animal House.” It had class. And sensuous melons. Or were they sensual? I’d love to hear the Donald tell a good grammar joke.

    Chris Coursey


  5. Charley Auer Says:

    Based on my review of Twitter comments last night, your summary is excellent!

  6. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Like a commenter on NPR said, “The republican party is in a dumpster fire. And they did it to themselves.”

    I hope Bernie can pull off a miracle.

  7. khal spencer Says:

    Pat, did you know Kenneth Vieira?

  8. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Geez, I missed all that. Did something way more fun
    If Drumpf somehow wins the election in November, it’ll be a race to see if we can get out of the USA before he’s sworn in. An Italian friend told me how much Drumpf reminds him of ol’ Silvio Berlusconi…another guy with weird hair who likes Putin. He laughed, “It happened to us, it can happen to you!” Gawd help us!!!

  9. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Real news here folks. You heard it first on Mad Dog Media. Strange Brew (the movie) was released March 1st on Blu-Ray. Hosers in high definition. That should take the edge off of the current political scene.

  10. Larry T. Says:

    Meanwhile in the Republic of Boulder the rocket scientists (I would have written brain surgeons, but you know…Ben Carson) at Velo have decided to call their magazine Velonews again! Who were the morons who decided to chop off the news part anyway? Had to laugh at their photo of the “last three generations of editors” when the guys all look to be around the same age. Maybe the caption should have been the last three guys from the revolving door there?

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