The red, white and blue (and also, the brown)

This dark chocolate sucked so much I could hardly eat it. Yet I managed, somehow.

This dark chocolate sucked so much I could hardly eat it. Yet I managed, somehow.

“America has become a dildo that has turned berserkly on its owner.” — Thomas McGuane, in “A Chat With a Novelist,” by Jim Harrison

The leaders and participants in the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge occupation got off scot-free yesterday. And if you had been following the occupation via TV and thought you saw crimes being committed, well, who you gonna believe — a jury of your alleged peers or your lyin’ eyes?

I’m thinking the wrong lawyer got tased after that verdict.

I’m also thinking that as long as these activities appear to be sanctioned by The People, I might just occupy a little feddle-gummint territory my own bad self, starting with the Denver Mint. And if any lesser authority should happen to complain about my collecting a few, um, souvenirs, well, I’ll just explain that they are sacred images of my ancestors.

Whoops, looks like that sacred-ancestors argument doesn’t work so well when made by the wrong kind of Americans. I like my pepper on the plate, not in my eyes, and delivered by a smiling server instead of a Terminator driving a tank.

Can we get a change of venue for all these cases? I’m thinking maybe Oregon.

Meanwhile, finally, something upon which all Americans can agree: Dark chocolate sucks.

Even so, it tastes miles better than some of the stuff we’ve been fed lately.


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17 Responses to “The red, white and blue (and also, the brown)”

  1. Sharon Says:

    Well what if the guys were Black or Hispanic? Would the outcome have been the same? Then again they never would have gotten a jury of their peers. What a wacky world. Just encourages same behaviors!

  2. psobrienPat O'Brien Says:

    Brown is right. But, I wasn’t thinking of chocolate. And Sharon is right. Honky justice because of a stupid charge. Somehow I think they did more than prevent federal employees from working. Next thing you Christie will get exonerated.

  3. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    It’ll be interesting to see if we get any followup, particularly regarding why these particular charges were brought, and not others.

    Did they think it was a slam-dunk? I’ve always heard that conspiracy is a tough rap to hang on someone, even dipshits like these.

    I mean, the gummint got majorly punk’d here. At least one of these guys was acting as his own attorney, f’fucksake.

    “The law is an ass … an idiot,” wrote Dickens. Dude sure could be right.

  4. Larry T Says:

    Sorry PO’G – can’t take any advice about, well anything from someone who likes Fourbuck’s pumpkin-spiced milkshake.
    The entire Seattle espresso thing escapes me – one of these abominations wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the land where espresso was invented and perfected, unless there were enough idiot foreign tourists waddling around. Running hot water through ground charcoal isn’t my idea of making espresso – but I guess if you put enough caramel, whipped cream and chocolate/pumpkin in there someone will like it?
    But I will admit that too much of a good thing can be just that – so when the cacao content of some of these things gets way up there they’re not enjoyable to me. With the exception of some artisanal stuff that’s hard to find unless you’re standing in the shop, Caffarel in Italy’s Piedmont region is my go-to for the best quality chocolate. It’s said that this guy taught the Swiss everything they know about chocolate!

  5. Mike Frye Says:

    Could it be that even the people of the jury in Portland Oregon ( I live in the suburb’s out here) might have thought that it was enough to sacrifice a human life over grazing land? Then again maybe the best thing would be just to round up all of those “redneck bozos” and execute them just like they did to the protesters in Tiananmen Square? Because everyone knows that the government is the most important thing and anybody that objects to it’s control should die. Right?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I think that’s just a wee bit over the top, Mike. I do think that anyone who seizes and damages public property — our property — should be held accountable. From a distance, it looks like the gummint failed to do its job here.

      From The Oregonian:

      “It should be known that all 12 jurors felt that this verdict was a statement regarding the various failures of the prosecution to prove ‘conspiracy’ in the count itself – and not any form of affirmation of the defense’s various beliefs, actions or aspirations,” Juror 4 wrote Friday in a lengthy email to The Oregonian/OregonLive.

      The jury was not all-Portland, either. Only four of the original 12 were from Stumptown. The others were from Eugene/Springfield, St. Helens, Klamath Falls, Baker City and Hood River. Not exactly Berkeley or Boulder, in other words.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        My statement about “honky justice” was over the top too, and I am sorry about that. I almost always agree agree with jury verdicts, I have recent experience in that area. What you hear in a courtroom, and the instructions you are given, are much different that the shit that the 24 hour news cycle churns out.

        But, here we go, forcefully occupying a federal wildlife preserve, having little or no local support, with a militia organized and deployed in military manner and openly armed with assault weapons is also a little over the top. Why didn’t they just march, unarmed, into the refuge, enter a building, chain themselves to the furniture and sit down? Many ways to protest a legitimate gripe without looking for a fight. If you go looking for a fight, you’ll find it, as one of their number found out the hard way.

  6. debby511 Says:

    I love dark chocolate. And Chocolove is one of my favorites. It’s a Boulder company, doncha know.

    What I don’t love are asshole websites like the one you linked to that demand I turn off my adblocker so they can flood my browser with ads.

  7. Mike Frye Says:

    Okay, I read some of the other comments and perhaps I was a bit “over the top” and you have my formal “mea culpa”. Unfortunately as soon as I was getting ready to type this stuff out I had a power outage.

    Fortunately the powers back on now and like all my other liberal buddies (especially in the bike business) I may not agree with you all the time but, I would be willing to give my last effort to defend your right to voice your opinion. I have always thought the answer to opinions that you may not agree with is more views from different sources.

  8. Libby Says:

    The dark chocolate foaming rant(sorry to borrow your trademark, PO’G) was so funny I started reading it out loud to further entertain myself. I need a good laugh to combat all the election goings on.

    I was a juror in a Federal court and we convicted 11 defendants of conspiracy. It was years ago. It was a grueling experience. Listening to testimony, avoidance of all news sources, obviously not able to go to work, I ended up isolated and stressed out. I am leaving out a lot of what went on!

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