Red (not so) Delicious

Well, here’s one I can afford.

Apple has surprised a bunch of folks (and maybe itself, too) with a less-than-stellar revenue estimate based largely on sputtering sales of iPhones, particularly in China.

Huh. Did everybody suddenly get tired of skimming the kids’ inheritance for a new handheld computer every couple of years, or what?

I’m not Chinese, and I could do with a new iPhone, but I sure wasn’t excited about pissing away $749 for the cheap one. Or about Face ID. Or about paying the AppleCare vig’ because you just know you’re gonna fumble the pricey little mother somehow — spill your coffee on it, drop it in a toilet, or yardsale onto it while shredding the gnar.

I’ve been sort of keeping an eye casually peeled for a refurbished iPhone 8, but that seems to be a unicorn. Either that or the Chinese got ’em all. Refurbed 7’s are available, but even those run $469.

Think about it. Nearly five hundy for a used phone so bots can ring you up in the middle of the night and pitch insurance to your voicemail. And then sell your number to other bots because the whole selling-insurance thing isn’t working out for them.

Plus the impertinent Xr and Xs map your mug before they will do your bidding. And since you didn’t pony up for a new one, you skinflint penny-pincher, you, that cheapo good-enough 7 or 8 is probably programmed to sell your selfies to a deepfaker who’ll fuse them into a viral video in which you are simultaneously the Sonoran donkey and the person of questionable moral fiber who … who … no, let’s not go there. It’s too early in the year for that image.

Y’think Apple will take a hint and make an iPhone in a proper size at a proper price that doesn’t ask more of you than you ask of it? Nah, me neither. It’s only a few billion.

Anyway, the next iPhone will blow the donkey so you don’t have to. Whoops, I went there. Must be later than we think.

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17 Responses to “Red (not so) Delicious”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    The drug dealers and spies have it right. Burner phone with pre-paid card is the ticket to cell phone happiness. Works fine for the same price all over the country, and you can get the call from the groomer that says Duffy is ready to go. And are on your own with the donkey. I won’t go there, and you can’t make me.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I may still have an old LG flip phone around here some’eres from when the California tax people were after me and I needed a number from which to tell them where they could find a compliant donkey. I should break it out. Heeeeee hawwwwwwwwwww. …

  2. Flahute Says:

    The iPhone 7 and/or 8 don’t do FaceID at all; only the iPhone X-series … and even on those models, you don’t have to scan your face; you can always use a PIN to unlock your phone like older iPhones before the fingerprint reader.

    Can’t help you with the bots though …. I keep blocking them, and they keep calling me anyway.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The Irish never let the facts sway them in the face of higher truth, as Robert A. Heinlein has taught us.

      I don’t think anyone from 719 wth a 351 prefix can call me anymore. I’m pretty sure I’ve blocked ’em all.

  3. Kat Hardt-Holoch Says:

    Call me a snob, but I just don’t see the appeal of the iPhone. MotoDroid is a great value and the last few models we have gotten have been $350 and under.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      For me it’s a matter of convenience and simplicity, Kat. Since Apple controls with ruthless tyranny both hardware and software everything is (mostly) plug and play, but also cable-free.

      Airdrop files among Macs and iOS devices. Handoff tasks from one device to another. Never a question about whether device A can read a file from device B, etc., et al., and so on and so forth. I can start a story on the iPhone, shift it to the iPad and finally to the MacBook with nary a hiccup, burp or other unpleasant popup.

      Apple is a one-stop shop, like Whole Amazon. It’s a convenience you pay for, and through the nose, too. Early on in wireless communications we had phones from a variety of manufacturers and there was always some niggling detail that kept them from functioning within the Apple “ecosystem” (Jesus, what a ridiculous term).

      Anyway, I’ve been an Apple geek since that first Mac SE back in 1990, and my limited excursions into other “ecosystems,” like MS-DOS and Linux, have all ended badly. I’m not eager to inspect the potholes on the Android infobahn.

  4. Esteban O’ Says:

    I’ll give them this much: someone finally invented a phone that guarantees no one ever calls me.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      No humans ever call me. Just the bots. Their cheerful beeping and hooting recalls the chirping of R2D2 from “Star Wars,” if the little droid were moonlighting (har) as a cold-calling insurance agent.

  5. khal spencer Says:

    Still got a 5s. My better half has a 7, with a better screen, but all I do is talk to people on the goddamn thing so who care what the screen looks like.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Herself has a 7 and is content with it (she’s much more of a power user, iPhone-wise, than I am).

      I screwed up when I got this 5, which is my second iPhone (my first was a 3GS, and yeah, I’m a late adopter, so sue me). Should’ve gone for the max storage instead of the low-end 16 GB.

      Now I use a little SanDisk external drive to offload photos in bulk so the fuggin’ iPhone doesn’t explode like Monsieur Creosote.

  6. Hurben Says:

    Nokia 2, Android, incredible battery life, does everything that I need from a phone & more, cost me $120NZ

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      We had Motorolas and Nokias back in the day, Hurben. Remember the early Motorola flip phones? Looked like the power brick to a Yamaha digital piano and weighed about as much? The battery then was bigger than the phones are today.

  7. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    AZUS Zenphone. $150 refurbished, does everything as far as I can tell except add zeroes to the bank accounts of the Apple oligarchs. To be honest I don’t really know all that it does or can do, I’m not smart enough to operate a lot of what’s on there, but the bottom-line for me is I no longer need a phone and camera – though the Chinese now probably know everything about me?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Nobody makes a phone or a car that I want.

      If I had a $300 iPhone that made and received calls, sent and received texts, had some stripped-down, basic web-browsing and email capacity, and took decent pix, why, I’d be right as rain.

      These bloody things are too busy trying to be all things to all people. I don’t need to make movies, stream TV or listen to Pink Floyd on the goddamn thing. I just want Captain Kirk’s communicator, is what.

      What can I tell you? I constitute a weirdo niche market of one. Beam me up, Scotty, there’s no intelligent life down here.

  8. JD Dallager Says:

    Hangin’ tough w/my iPhone 4. I always keep it on vibrate and never have it on me. That technique works well w/all the follow-on phones too I suspect. Just sayin’. 🙂

  9. Herb from Michigan Says:

    My tech guys told me five years ago that Nokia +Windows would make life hell for Apple. Never happened but here I am with a Nokia phone that works perfectly, has a Zeiss camera lens and won’t die. Apple can bugger off. I just bypassed iTunes and moved 200 gigs of music elsewhere. Yeah I still use an iPad but I’m pretty much done being sucked in by apps this and apps that. I’m no troglodyte but I’ve about had it with the digital world.

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