It’s loud and it’s tasteless

Sorry, it does not come with fries.

Hur-ry, hur-ry, hur-ry, step right this way!

It’s the first day of spring, and nothing says “spring” quite like a change in wardrobe.

Unless you’re in Colorado, in which case “spring” says “snowshoeing to the liquor store.” Or in the Midwest, where it means “building an Ark.” (The Bible is not particularly helpful here. What the hell is a cubit, anyway? I don’t see any “gopher wood” down at the Home Depot, either. Do I have to go to Hobby Lobby for that?)

Unzip over to Voler to join the team! And no, goddamnit, for the last time, it does not come with fries!

But yeah, everywhere else, wardrobe change. And have we got a deal for you. Mad Dog Media and Voler have teamed up on their first-ever Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter Spring Jersey Sale!

See, we figure you’ve put on about 15 percent over this long, cold winter. So we’re helping you take 15 percent off, and the easy way, too, by buying something. It’s The American Way™. And it’s cheaper than snowshoes, liquor, and kitty litter for the bottom of that Ark.

Just pop round to the Mad Dog corner of Voler, deploy the Secret Code — OLDGUYS15 — and surrender your money, personal data, and the final tattered remnants of your self-respect.

G’wan, y’fat bastid, take the plunge. Join the team. You need the kit, and we need the laughs. Also, and too, the money. Don’t make me stop the Internet and come back there. We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town, beep-beep.

Offer good until April 1, when the usual foolery will resume.

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13 Responses to “It’s loud and it’s tasteless”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    All the kool kids will be sporting the team’s colors at the Santa Fe Century My nephew hasn’t reached 40 trip around the sun yet, but I might get him a team jersey anyway. I’m sure Patrick will grant him a waiver.

  2. psobrien Says:

    Is that a pillow under that jersey?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      It is. I was gonna go whole hog (ho ho ho) in my living-room chair, with food in the face and empty bottles and dirty dishes all around, but it’s a deadline week, so I kept it simple. Pillow up the jersey, snap, transfer, publish, back to work.

  3. Libby Says:

    After the deadline, might we be treated to another offering of Dogpatch Radio? The good thing is we can listen to old episodes. What about a pet(s) story about one or more of present or past pets? Perhaps first or second hand stories of Herself’s volunteer work in animal shelters? Music you’ve liked or played and a tour of instruments. An audio tour of your bicycles – a roundup of sorts. Your own “Spotlight”, “The Post” or “Front Page” stories. Or, your thoughts on ‘news’ movies. Or, maybe it will be about a short road trip that you are hankering to do.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks for the reminder, Libby. I gotta get back on that horse. I was hoping to do one every week. Well, you know what they say — hope in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.

      After this week I should have some more free time to bark into the mic’. It would be fun to get Herself involved. Hal runs hot and cold on the notion — with a teenage son in the house I think he’s suspicious of any activity that lacks earning potential.

  4. khal spencer Says:

    I have my winter Fat Guys jersey. Its gotten regular use. But I suppose I can get another. Any chance of making a BogTrotter version?

  5. Recreation Law Says:

    I drink what I am, Wild Turkey. I ride what I am, Mad Dog Media Fan! Besides on me, people see it coming for miles and see it for hours since I leave slower than how I got there……. Pro deal??

  6. Steve O’ Says:

    Only in cycling does “athletic/club” equal “flat slob.” Truth in advertising would demand “husky, big boned, and a mild thyroid problem” for anything that I can squeeze into.

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