There’s a strong whiff of the dumbass coming out of Texas lately. The directions are printed right there on the soles of the damn’ boots, yet nobody in authority can pour the piss out of them.
Maybe it’s frozen.
But not everyone in the Lone Star State is all hat and no cattle. For instance, there’s Steve Earle, and there’s also Steve Earle talking about the literary qualities of Willie Nelson, which is even better.
And finally, there’s Texas Monthly, with “13 Curses to Mutter Against Ted Cruz While You Boil Snow to Drink.”
Tags: Steve Earle, Texas Monthly, Texas Ted Cruz the Gucci Shitkicker, Willie Nelson
Mad Blog Media 
February 18, 2021 at 4:48 pm |
It’s difficult for me to muster much sympathy for the people in Texas. They’ve had opportunities to replace Abbott, Cruz, et al., and decided to reelect the bozos. Well, they’ve found out where that gets them.
February 19, 2021 at 11:14 am |
There are like a dozen TX elected officials on record saying some version of “we’re cool with the death and everything because it’s the price of freedom.”
February 19, 2021 at 11:36 am |
And a few unelected ones, like Rick Perry, who once “led” the Department of Oops.
February 18, 2021 at 4:57 pm |
Just to stir some “intellectual discomfort” and hopefully lots of well-reasoned comments, I’m reminded of two so-called wisdoms:
“Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
“They want their leaders to live in glass houses: they want to see in, but don’t want them to see out.”
Pick your poison, eh? 🙂
February 18, 2021 at 5:04 pm |
Driving tent stakes into your carpet. Now that is funny. Although duct taping the corners of the tent to the carpet will do just fine. All Texans have duct tape, don’t they?
Señor Cruz, Señor Cruz there’s a phone call for you. I think I heard the caller say “He will know who I am just get him…, I’ll take another cheeseburger. Mel do you want one?” The phone is this way Señor Cruz. Please follow me. Just back here. Unfortunately due to covid-19 protocols we have to walk through the kitchen. It’s back here Señor Cruz. The phone is just past the walk-in cooler. Be careful of the door…….”Now!. Quick slam the door. Yeah we got him. You’re going to feel like your constituents now you butt kissing trump dweeb. We’ll let you out in a few days, once the power is back on in all the homeless shelters. Don’t worry Teddie, you won’t starve. There’s some old tamales in the back. Of course you’ll have to eat them cold. “It sure was good of you to fly down Bern. Are you going right back tonight or are you going to stick around with us and make prank phone calls to Mar-a-Lago?”
A week later: You mean you didn’t let him out? I thought you were going to do it? Oops.
February 18, 2021 at 5:14 pm |
https://uproxx.com/viral/ted-cruz-hurricane-sandy-texas-winter-storm/
February 18, 2021 at 5:19 pm |
Meanwhile Ted is off to Cancun.
February 19, 2021 at 11:06 am |
But left his dog at home.
February 18, 2021 at 5:48 pm |
I owe Texas a debt of gratitude. I had my first taste of Mexican food in Universal City, just outside Randolph AFB, and after the first bite I knew I wanted to eat it forever. Texicans have populated my music collection since I first heard the Sir Douglas Quintet. And Herself was born in Nacogdoches.
But too many of them have swallered that Lone Star Kool-Aid. Just ’cause you boughtened the hat don’t mean you’re John Wayne, pilgrim.
February 19, 2021 at 11:26 am |
Oh, Texan food. Elgin beef sausage is the bomb. Many years ago at a barbeque I was eating some very good brisket when I sampled a piece of the sausage. The brisket was in the trash, and I filled my plate with sausage. Save all Texans except for certain politicians.
February 18, 2021 at 5:51 pm |
Did anyone expect anything different from Cruz? Totally predictable.
February 18, 2021 at 5:59 pm |
Isn’t it annoying that most of these dingbats don’t even pretend that they give a shit anymore, though? I mean, they used to keep up appearances. Where are the “thoughts and prayers?”
February 18, 2021 at 6:11 pm |
PS: Willie’s lyrics are some of the best. Literary? How about the “Red Headed Stranger” album?
February 18, 2021 at 6:27 pm |
Hell of a performer, too. I saw Willie and Family at a small venue in Corvallis, Oregon, when I worked at the newspaper there. It reminded me of the time I saw Leon Russell at Folsom Field in Boulder way the hell back when. Both pretty much just stayed and played. No dicking around, no diva bullshit, interesting chatter between songs, real value for your ticket money. Not just a concert, but a performance.
February 18, 2021 at 6:17 pm |
Here we were talking about worse than useless pols and “ thoughts and prayers,” and I go to NPR and read this. “If the shit fits wear it!” as Donald Duck Dunn says.
https://www.npr.org/2021/02/17/968670554/capital-gazette-a-damn-paper
February 18, 2021 at 6:31 pm |
Carl Hiassen’s brother Rob was one of the victims in that shooting. Carl writes a column for the Miami Herald and has cranked out a pile of entertaining books that make me want to stay very far away indeed from Florida, where the widespread cray-cray has inspired the nom de dingbat “Florida Man.”
But I can see why Carl likes it. The place is a bottomless well for a columnist and novelist.
• Extra Fun Fact: Your Humble Narrator was born in Annapolis. The newspaper was not hiring that day. Anyway, I didn’t know how to type back then.
February 19, 2021 at 11:00 am |
Well, I suspect you knew how to type: Press button lever and watch what happens. Something that all young kids love to do. You of course know how to press more buttons now, but your results are the same………
Disclaimer:
Hey you opened the door and somebody had to do it. I hope you know that I am kidding.
February 18, 2021 at 6:48 pm |
I am from Lubbock, TX. It gets cold (zero degree F temperatures are not unusual, given the1,000 meter elevation) and it snows every winter, as it does in El Paso and Amarillo. It is the rest of Texas that is unprepared for the cold.
The TX governor is an idiot, and their junior senator (species: Cubano pendejo Canadensis) is a cowardly fucking fuck. If we could get him and my Missouri junior senator (species: Assholiness hubrisiness fuckwadiness) on the same doomed-to-crash small plane flight, we all could breathe a breath of relief. Dale
February 18, 2021 at 6:52 pm |
I’ll tell the world it gets cold in Lubbock. When Herself and I drove through there en route to spending a Christmas in scenic metropolitan Coahoma it was through an ice storm that was just plain Hungry Jack Death. I waddn’t scared or nothin’ but somebody shit on my seat.
Speaking of Texicans, we haven’t heard from our old pal Sharon lately. I hope she’s weathering the storm. Maybe she’s bivouacked up to central Colorado.
February 18, 2021 at 8:11 pm |
MSNBC is right now roasting Ted Cruz. And (Texas) Big Time. Cruz’s answer to all this stormy Texas misery is to just take off to Cancun, though he did return early. Maybe they kicked him out for not wearing a mask down there too.
February 19, 2021 at 6:08 am |
How do you roast a hog in Texas? It’s as easy as one-two-three.
First you elect him to the Senate. Then you let him free-range off to Cancún in the middle of a natural disaster. And finally, when he comes home, you light him up and piss him out.
February 19, 2021 at 11:13 am |
Nice how they waive all of the quarantine requirements to let him back in. Would serve his right if, on top of all of his other atrocities, he became a one-man super-spreader.
February 19, 2021 at 9:21 am |
james mcmurtry is another texas singer/songwriter that can string together some stories.
February 19, 2021 at 9:51 am |
Ayup, he’s on the playlist. His old man is a pretty fair storyteller too. Leave us not forget Lyle Lovett, Gary P. Nunn and Ray Wylie Hubbard (both transplants from Oklahoma), Freddy Fender, Bob Wills, Kinky Friedman (originally from Chicago), Marsha Ball, etc. et al., and so on and so forth.
February 19, 2021 at 9:57 am |
and robert earl keen.
February 19, 2021 at 10:07 am |
O, to be sure, if only for the Christmas song. Killa dilla.
February 19, 2021 at 11:12 am |
Lyle’s album Step Inside This House is a tribute to his fellow Texan songwriters, and as much as I love Lyle’s own songwriting, this collection of his buddies’ work has always been my favorite album of his.
FYI, for whatever reason, it’s not listed on his discography in Wikipedia and it’s hard to find on iTunes (cuz Apple still have no clue when it comes to search — you have to type the name exactly or it won’t figure out what you’re looking for).
February 19, 2021 at 11:52 am |
i saw him back in the day with his large band. quite the entertainer.
February 19, 2021 at 11:04 am |
I’m not one to encourage anyone to spend an extra minute on Twitter if they don’t have to, but it was nice to see Ann Richards was trending this morning.