Paging the White House gardener

Adolf Twitler couldn’t even get his own veep hanged. Sad!

OK, just for the hell of it, let’s say Adolf Twitler’s putsch was successful. Kept his fat ass blistering the Oval Office furniture with angry Mickey D’s farts, on the rare occasion when he was actually in town instead of slinging divots and bullshit at one of his comic-opera palaces.

Let’s also say that a group of angry socialists, Blacks, women, gays, gun-controllers and pro-choicers unhappy with this outcome marched upon the U.S. Capitol and started a “dustup,” as a DeeCee feetsball knuckle-dragger recently described the Jan. 6 insurrection.

And while we’re at it, let’s envision the GOP response to a House committee investigating the second “dustup.” Would its work be dismissed by Kevin McCarthy, Steve Scalise, and other pustules on the American body politic as “illegitimate” and “a sham?”

Hee, and also haw. There would be no such committee. The Proud Boys hired to replace the Capitol Police would have machine-gunned every one of those terrorists while Mike Pence’s dead eyes gazed blindly down upon them from his gibbet. Congress would be too busy wondering who’s next to look into anything more substantial than airfare to Costa Rica.

Only white fascists get to water the Tree of Liberty in this country.

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24 Responses to “Paging the White House gardener”

  1. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Watching the worst in others sometimes brings out the worst in me. Makes me forget to keep my three treasures, especially compassion. The cheeto colored clown needs to be indicted.

  2. SAO' Says:

    Chauncey Gardner was a nuclear rocket surgeon compared to TFG.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Haw. I’d forgotten about that book (and subsequent movie).

      • SAO' Says:

        Double reverse triple lindey Freudian slippage? Cuz I totally thought that’s what the headline was referencing. Or are you aww-shucksing me right now? Funny either way so you can’t lose!

        Weird… For like the last two months, every time I replied here the word press guardians wouldn’t let me through the gate. I would sign in 50 times, and it would sign me out 51. Now I seem to be logged in and cannot log out. I guess, “be careful what you wish for or complain about…”

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        You got the stiffarm trying to chime in? That’s weird. I had wondered where you were … sometimes people drift off for a while, and occasionally they’re me. I’ll root around the backend, see if there’s any skullduggery afoot. In the meantime, my apologies.

        No, I had completely spaced “Being There” (read the book, but I don’t remember seeing the movie). I was thinking about the White House gardener charged with watering the Tree of Liberty, which requires the blood of tyrants. Can’t find that shit just anywhere, y’know. Not at Lowe’s or Home Depot or even True Value. Well, maybe at Home Depot.

  3. Shawn Says:

    Sir Cheeto would probably have sent troops to Russia to help out with the Ukrainian cleansing. In an air of military style, all the US troops would have golf fashioned fatigues with a “T” on the front. I’m sure there’d be an agreement in there somewhere about a future Kiev-a-lago and a statute of Poot-tin in front of the white house.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      He might’ve tried to buy Ukraine for his pal Pooty-poot. It would’ve been a highly leveraged transaction involving multiple bankruptcies and a repo. But the golf course would be stellar.

  4. katholoch Says:

    Oh, man, this was so good! I had to read it to my husband as it was right up his alley! As a matter of fact, he just did a similar post today with his own Trump artwork. Check it out:

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Nice stuff there. I love the Ex-President Trading Cards.

      • KY6R Says:

        Thanks. Slightly Dada influenced, but a la Daffy Duck painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        One picture = a thousand words, as the fella sez.

        Remember the old National Lampoon covers? There was some wild imagery going on. The “If You Don’t Buy This Magazine, We’ll Kill This Dog” is the one everyone knows, but there were so many others, like the “No Issue.” And The Nation‘s reimaginating Dubya as Mad‘s Alfred E. Neuman was a classic.

  5. Dale Says:

    We watched it and there was more information than I had seen in the Post or Times; but I need to say that Bennie Thompson and Liz Cheney nailed it. We are looking forward to the next 5 public hearings.
    Any thoughts on how Faux News will fill the time if this catches on?

  6. KY6R Says:

    The whole thing cracks me up – it reminds me of growing up in NJ where one day the bully picks on someone he thinks is quiet and gentile, and that kind and gentle soul knocks the living shit out of the bully.

    The Democrats (and Trump hating Republicans) need to stand up together and yell “boo!” and then watch the bullies fall. No violence needed – just stop being afraid of the minority party and clown car passengers

  7. KY6R Says:

    I’m obviously having too much fun. Just wrote and posted a 30 year parody of “God Bless the King”. Hey – is there a network of like minded people? I got off Twitter and Facebook years ago – so I’ve been totally flying under the radar.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I think there are more than a few of us shouting down our own individual wells at the silverfish and rusty pennies. But I dunno if there are any organized social-media outfits where the inmates make the asylum worth the cost of confinement.

      Like you I bailed on Facebook and Twitter (and all the rest of ’em, too). I found Twitter interesting early on because it reminded me of headline writing, one of the parts of journalism that I really loved. But it got weird fast and not in a good way, either. Never really got any handle on the others — Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, Flickr, etc.

      All the newsletter outfits that are so hot now just strike me as overly complex blogging setups. And I’m not sure they really create much in the way of community. I subscribe to a few, but I rarely get involved in conversations with the other readers. Occasionally I chime in at Charles P. Pierce’s Politics blog at Esquire, but that’s about it. Chaz is smart and funny and a solid plurality of his readers are likewise.

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        I found a home here years ago with folks that I like to converse with and even ride with occasionally. My riding days are over, but I still like it here. And, here I will stay, with the Mad Dog’s permission of course.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Whah, thankee, Hoss. It’s my pleasure and privilege to provide a few rickety stools at this sarsaparilla stand so’s people have a “safe space” to jawbone. It ain’t exactly Twitter, but then it doesn’t need to be.

  8. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Hot damn, you folks in the Duke City are going to be hotter that Sorry Vista today, 102 vs 101 respectively. Plus, you have a red flag warning tomorrow with mostly dry thunderstorms. Given all that, along what you have seen in the last couple of months, this song seems to fit.

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