Grave consequences

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 17 Comments
One of these things is not like the other.
One of these things is not like the other.

On this day in 1865, Abraham Lincoln was laid to rest in his hometown of Springfield, Ill.

One hundred and 51 years later, Honest Abe is spinning in his grave.

Ordinarily I dismiss the “both sides do it” argument, but I think in this case we might agree that while the Pachyderms are the primary architect of this clusterfuck, the Donks share the blame for morphing into Republican Lite in the decades since Nixon flogged McGovern.

When both sides of the aisle focus on making themselves and their benefactors comfy-cozy as the working stiffs enjoy another tasty plate of shit soufflé, this is what you get.

I remember a snarky slogan from my faux-hippie days that seemed funny at the time: “America: Fix It or Fuck It.”

Coming to a ballot box near you in November 2016.

Power to the pee-pole!

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 14 Comments

RFD-BugI was casting around this morning for some appropriate socialist content to post on International Workers Day, but May Day 2016 seems light on revolutionary news.

So instead, here’s the latest edition of Radio Free Dogpatch, in which the proletariat (portrayed by Mister Boo) is oppressed by his bladder.

And remember, kids: When you’re smashing the State, don’t forget to keep a smile on your lips, a song in your heart, and a mop within reach.

Useful links

• Manzano Animal Clinic, which did the surgery.

• The New Orleans Jazz Festival, which did not.

• Elvis Costello. This Elvis has mos def not left the building.

• Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. Good God, are they still at it?

• Recipes: None worth mentioning this week. Whenever Herself hits the road, I generally give myself a break from semi-elaborate cookery.

 

Join Live Update Guy at the Giro d’Italia

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

Disclaimer from the legal department at Live Update Guy: Patrick O’Grady, senior executive junior assistant vice president for answering reader questions for free at LUG, attempted a tasteless “joke” about the Italian people during our most recent Live Update (previously recorded).

The elderly, self-described “humorist” managed to deliver the setup, but hyper-vigilant producer Turkish von Turkenstein saw to it that the punchline never aired, and going forward O’Grady has been warned to restrict his japes to the French.

The senior management at Live Update Guy would like to apologize to all Italians everywhere, particularly any Romans concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of LUG Nuts of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Thank you.

Boo hoo

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments

Oh, lawd, the old tee-hees are proving elusive these days around El Rancho Pendejo.

Mister Boo’s post-surgical recuperation from bladder surgery last Wednesday has been both messier and noisier than I anticipated, and it has not helped that Herself has pissed off to New Orleans for a week on a work junket that just happens to occur in the middle of Jazz Fest.

The Big Easy, this place she is not, cher. Les bon temps, they do not rouler.

There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel. This morning The Boo took the last of his antibiotics and pain meds, and tomorrow the Cone of Shame comes off. The peeing and pooping is occurring mostly outdoors, which is nice. But I laid in another 50-pack of Boots & Barkley extra-large training pads anyway, just in case the flood returns to Katrinaesque proportions.

Well, I wish I was in New Orleans … I can see it in my dreams. …

The mayor of Cell Block O

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 15 Comments
I am not an animal! Oh, wait, I am! Never mind. ...
I am not an animal! Oh, wait, I am! Never mind. …

Welcome to Little Gitmo.

Mister Boo has had surgery to remove a bladder stone, his second trip down this surgical path, and the stone was apparently so rara an avis that the medicos have shipped it off to a university for further study.

Perhaps through their labors Boos of the future will not suffer from this malady, and the subsequent isolation it requires.

I’ve tried consoling him by noting that he, unlike Prince, is at least on the proper side of the lawn. But The Boo was never much of a “Purple Rain” kind of guy. Right now he’s happy to be making yellow rain.