Tag: Live Update Guy

Two jerseys down …

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments
Zoom zoom.
Zoom zoom.

The last couple of days at Le Shew Beeg have been, um, interesting, no?

First Cannondale lays waste to all the fast-twitch boyos and puts Peter Sagan in command of the points jersey. And then Sky croaks all the GC guys on the first mountain stage and goes one-two, stage and overall. Zoom-Zoom Froome even snatched up the polka-dot jersey for dessert.

Minibars in the Saint-Nazaire hotels will be in dire need of restocking on Monday’s rest day if Tintin and his mob tap that 55-gallon drum of whup-ass again tomorrow on a five-climb stage. And it goes without saying that the whispers have already begun.

“You have to ask them why they could not keep up,” said Richie Porte, Zoom-Zoom’s chief lieutenant. “Look at us all season, we are so consistent. This has happened all year. Look at Dauphiné and Paris-Nice. This is not really a massive surprise.”

No, it’s not. But maybe it should be. Here’s hoping we’re not in for a two-week victory lap that raises more questions than it answers.

Give me a break

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 2 Comments

Being a newsman of sorts (OK, you can stop laughing now) I like it when actual news occurs.

As Charles “Live Update Guy” Pelkey and I rambled through today’s coverage of stage 2 it seemed we were in for the classic Tour de France non-event: The Doomed Break Reeled In At the Very Last Minute.

Except it wasn’t. Not all of it. Jan Bakelants (RadioShack-Leopard) made a break from the break and hung on to win by a whisker, the last man standing from a late six-man escape. First Tour, first pro win. And it came with a nifty yellow jersey, too.

People who were supposed to win didn’t; people who were supposed to get the maillot jaune didn’t; and the only impediments to forward motion were gravity, eejits at roadside and a loose mutt who will probably never chase a guy on a bicycle again but came away with a fine tale to tell around the fire hydrant: “Jesus, Lassie, there were a couple hundred of the sonsabitches coming after me at 50 km/h! I ’bout shit my flea collar!”

Eventually all the Right People will take charge, of course. They almost always do. But in the meantime we seem to have an actual sporting-news story on our hands.

Extry, extry, read all about it. …

French tickler

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 20 Comments

Good Lord, where does the time go? It seems only yesterday that The Cyclist Who Shall Not Be Named was curled up in Soaprah’s expansive lap, singin’ the blues. And now here it is time for that race he was so fond of.

This isn’t just any old dash around Frogland, mind you. It’s the 100th Tour; the defending champion, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Wiggo’, has bravely run away; and our old friend Andrew Hood says that while everyone has his eye on the final week, that first week could be a doozy.

So, naturally, Charles “Live Update Guy” Pelkey will be covering the bugger from stem to stern, starting at dark-thirty on Saturday morning. As usual, I’ll be playing Ed to his Johnny, which is to say I will be slouched on the couch, belching besotted witticisms such as, “Hey-yo!” and “You are correct, sir.”

So mark your calendars. And in comments, give us your picks for the final yellow jersey in Paris. Here, I’ll get the ball rolling. Now me, I think Zoom-Zoom Froome has peaked too early. …

Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

What with helping Consigliere Pelkey live-blog the Giro, cranking out the comedy for Bicycle Retailer, logging saddle time on the Jones Steel Diamond and the Co-Motion Divide Rohloff in preparation for reviews thereof, and assisting Herself with a new project — turning our House Back East™ into a vacation rental via airbnb.com — I haven’t had much time to follow the doings in DeeCee.

But now that I’ve had a minute to cast an inquisitive eye about the Innertubes, I have a question for those of you who have been paying closer attention.

Is it time we abandoned our flirtation with representative democracy and begged the Queen to take us back? God save the Queen!

Speaking of limeys, back at the bike racing, Brave, Brave Sir Wiggo’ went from descending like a girl to descending the Giro’s overall standings like a sick girl in a Radio Flyer full of anvils on Mount Doom. Defending champion Ryder Hesjedal has had even worse luck; they’re timing that poor sod with a calendar. I have no idea who’s gonna win the goddamn thing, but it sure is fun to watch. Join Mr. P and me at Live Update Guy for tomorrow’s stage, the Giro’s longest.

In California, meanwhile, it’s Jens Voigt making everyone look sick. The 110-year-old father of 16 crushed Tyler Farrar and Thor Hushovd under his chariot wheels en route to victory in stage 5 of the Amgen Tour. He told VeloNews reporter Matthew Beaudin that when he finally retires, if ever, it will take two people to replace him — “one to do the funny part, and one to be the bike rider.”

And me? I didn’t ride a meter today, in victory or defeat. Work, work, work, that’s all we have around these parts. That, and dinner with friends at Springs Orleans. Somebody had managed to FUBAR the house lights but we couldn’t have cared less, because the food was top notch. We just let our forks follow our noses.

Brightening up your mornings

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 26 Comments
Apricot frosting
Apricot frosting: Snow drapes the apricot tree at the House Back East™.

This is what things looked like around here this morning. By afternoon, the sun was out, the snow was gone and the temps were back up in the 40s.

Tomorrow, we’re looking at 55 and mostly sunny. That’s just how we roll here in Colorado.

And while we’re speaking of rolling, it seems that my old comrade Charles Pelkey is off the disabled list, which means — yes, yes, yes — Live Update Guy will suit up for the Giro d’Italia, which commences Saturday in Napoli.

Consiglieri Pelkey is a fan of the wee small hours of the morning, so look for him to be shoveling the wisdom at dark-thirty while I enjoy the indie movie playing on the inside of my eyelids until 7 a.m. or so.

Hey, God doesn’t get up until 6 — I can tell, because that’s when the light comes on.