Tag: Paris-Roubaix

Stoned again

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 23 Comments

screwedNiki Terpstra caught ’em napping en route to the Roubaix velodrome today. I was thinking maybe Sep Vanmarcke would be the guy this time around, and he was certainly one of them, but it was the Omega man who sealed the deal after 257km of dust and cobbles.

Comrade-Attorney Charles Pelkey decided on the spur of the moment to crank up the Live Update Guy machinery for the occasion, but technical difficulties prevented my participation. Chuckles is test-driving some new jabberware developed by a legal colleague, and it didn’t like me for some reason. Can’t imagine why — I’m such an easygoing, compliant, sweetheart of a fellow.

Speaking of dicks, Boom-Boom is coming off as something of one post-race, wondering at some length and volume why nobody seemed interested in giving him the old palanquin ride to a fifth cobble trophy. How big is your mantlepiece, anyway, Tommeke? Haven’t you been stoned enough for one lifetime, Boombeleh?

At least the winner was from your team. You could’ve gotten punk’d by Vanmarcke, Peter Sagan or (horrors!) Brave Brave Brave Sir Wiggo. Whoops, looks like you did.

Look for Belgium to change its name, move, and not leave a forwarding address.

 

Everybody must get stoned

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 21 Comments

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Yes, it’s time once again for the Tour of Flanders, and no, I have absolutely no idea who’s gonna win the sonofabitch, so don’t ask.

Still, it should be fun to watch (it pretty much always is). And if your idea of a good time is watching the hardmen tackle the cobbles via your computer, well, you can follow the Ronde on one of the feeds provided by cyclingfans.com.

The video could be live as early as 6 a.m. Eastern, and most of the usual suspects will be on the road — Peter Sagan, Fabian Cancellara, Tom Boonen, Sylvain Chavanel and a whole lot of other mugs who have all the chance of a banana in the monkey house.

Next week, Charles Pelkey and I plan to crank up the Live Update Guy machinery for Paris-Roubaix, so stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy the comparative peace and quiet of strong men weeping at the Ronde.

Boom-Boom pounds ’em on the pavé

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments

Chapeau to Tom Boonen for a manly win at Paris-Roubaix — he didn’t much care for the pace of the group he was with, so he shelled them and soloed 50km for the V.

Big props, too, to Sébastien Turgot, who picked Alessandro Ballan’s pocket for second place in the Roubaix velodrome. Conventional wisdom aside, sometimes it’s smart to look over your shoulder, guys. Sheesh.

Meanwhile, right about now Mike Wallace is interviewing God: “So, what’s with all the contradictions in your book? Care to set the record straight?” Why anyone ever answered the door when Mike showed up with a camera crew remains a mystery to me.

Foggy Friday

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments
The cruelest month
Things are all fogged up around here today.

“April is the cruellest month,” wrote T.S. Eliot. The quote arises unbidden as I watch the weather change from sunny to snowy to sunny again, and finally to a chilly shvitz of fog — all in less than a week.

Appropriately, April also brings the cruelest race, Paris-Roubaix. And while I no longer help cover such sport for vampire capitalists, I plan to get up way too early on Sunday and lend a paw to my friend and colleague Charles Pelkey over at Live Update Guy.

Charles will be on deck at dark-thirty, as usual, but I won’t plug in until the race is well under way. In the meantime, give us your picks for the V in comments. Tom Boonen is obviously a fave, but with filthy weather in the forecast and no Fabian Cancellara it could be anyone’s race. T.S. Eliot was right.