Anyone seen the fat lady?

Following the long-standing tradition of admitting something you’d rather not on a Friday, preferably before some suitable, monumental time-suck of a distraction — like, say, the Super Bowl or a GOP presidential primary —  federal prosecutors have announced that they have dropped their investigation of Lance Armstrong and Co.

“This is great news,” said Armstrong factotum Marco Fabuloso.

“Uh oh,” said anyone who spoke candidly to the grand jury.

“@%&*#!!!” said anyone in the cycling press who was hoping for a relaxing weekend of base miles and pigskin-related debauchery.

And so that’s that. Right? Right?

Wrong.

“Unlike the U.S. Attorney, USADA’s job is to protect clean sport rather than enforce specific criminal laws,” said U.S. Anti-Doping Agency CEO Travis Tygart. “Our investigation into doping in the sport of cycling is continuing and we look forward to obtaining the information developed during the federal investigation.”

Oh, goody. The fat lady not only hasn’t taken the stage, she hasn’t even left the house yet. Is it too early to start fuckin’ drinkin’?

• Late update: My spidey-sense must have alerted me that this was coming. Earlier today I boxed up nearly 23 years worth of back VeloNewses and hauled them the hell out of my office, instantly tripling its square footage. Thank God I no longer have to work this train wreck. I can just enjoy watching the disembodied heads as they roll goggle-eyed down the tracks.