A sure cure for Big Tex fever

I’ll tell you what will take your mind off TCWSNBN real fast — the flu that’s going around.

Lordy sweet Jeebus, I recommend in the strongest possible terms that you do not contract this bad boy. It got me on Friday and ever since I have felt like I got et by a coyote and shit off a cliff. Not even green chile helps. Hell, I don’t even want a drink, so you know it’s bad. That said, some of my symptoms might belong to the DTs rather than the flu, so your mileage may vary.

Needless to say, I did not get up at dark-thirty this morning to hustle up some pirate video of Katie Compton clinching the World Cup title in Rome. No, instead I curled fetus-like under a heap of sweaty bedclothes, emitting feeble mewling sounds interspersed with mighty honks into tissues and the occasional hacking jag one might expect from a Vegas bluehair working three slot machines at once with a Chesterfield glued to her lower lip.

Later, in the shower, after a few moments of abominable racket reminiscent of a pack of werewolves with kennel cough trying to kick-start their Harleys I passed a lung biscuit the approximate size, shape and color of an apricot. I thought it bore the likeness of Our Lord, but that was probably just the flu. Or the DTs.

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29 Responses to “A sure cure for Big Tex fever”

  1. Libby Says:

    Yiiyyy! Sorry to hear that. Get well soon!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, Libby. I’m starting to regain a flickering, half-hearted interest in continuing to live. The worst part (besides not being able to ride in beautiful weather) is the loss of appetite. I have a ‘fridge full of green chile, pintos and posole and I’m “eating” noodle soup, tea and ginger ale.

  2. sharon Says:

    Beautiful and sunny yesterday so out for a ride and a car from other side of road took a left turn straight into me. Am ok. Sore.Damaged my bike.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Judas Priest, Sharon. Did the driver accept responsibility/get cited? Damn, those cars are hard. I’ve bounced off a couple, too, so I feel your pain. Glad to hear you’re (mostly) OK. And you could always look at the incident as an excuse to buy a new bike. …

      • sharon Says:

        Yeah, really lucky police were there before I got up from the deck and they cited her. Police were actually really great . Hopefully she has been paying her ins

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Good news that. Last time I got clipped, it was by the only motorist in New Mexico with auto insurance.

        She was properly remorseful, even drove me to the ER to get checked out. And a couple days later her husband took me to the bike shop to replace the 10-day-old bike she destroyed.

        Never got the cops involved, since they were eager to do the right thing. Alas, such is not always the case. Keep us posted, and I hope to hear you’re back on the bike in short order.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Hope you are OK, Sharon. Get a new bike out of it too, while you are at it. My mistake was settling for a new front fork and wheel after getting into an argument with a car. Bike never descended properly after that.

  3. John O Says:

    You’ll do anything to lose a few lbs. I hate you!

  4. khal spencer Says:

    Jezze, nothing but bad news today at this site.

    I’m a little under the weather too and was afraid to venture very far from the….um…you know which room. Seems something going around.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Aha, got you too, eh? I haven’t spent much time talking to Ralph on the big white phone, but I suspect that has more to do with an inability to eat anything than with good fortune. Lost a perfectly good Advil and a whole glass of water this morning, though.

      • khal spencer Says:

        Take care of yourself and force fluids….of your choice.

        Not sure what is bothering me. My boss, who I was in a conference with on Friday, was getting over an intestinal flu that her husband had taken over from her in spades. Plus last night we were over at a neighbor’s house and I was eating a dip of mystery ingredients, since I didn’t want to down the brain eraser on an empty stomach. So it could be either option that woke me today saying “sucks to be you”.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Ginger ale. Ginger ale. I’ve been reduced to friggin’ ginger ale. Lo, how are the mighty fallen.

        And yeah, beware the Mystery Dip, which can lead to the dread Two Exits, No Waiting.

  5. Debby Says:

    Rest up and get well soon guys! I think I had a mild case of that flu over the holidays. Not nearly as bad, just enough to make me not feel like eating or doing much of anything.

    Patrick – if others agree that the lung biscuit looks like Jeebus, maybe you can make some money off it… 🙂

    Huge congrats to Katie C. What a great season for her. I wish I had 1/10 of her talent.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Roger wilco, Debby. And right you are about KfC. She’s a beast, with the mental strength to bounce back from adversity. It would be excellent to see her win worlds, but Marianne Vos is another tough customer. Should be a fun race to watch.

  6. bromasi Says:

    Chicken soup, cures everything.

  7. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Having my morning cuppa, read this latest post, and now I have coffee in my sinuses. It will take years to get the picture of Patrick in the shower with the mother of all loogies spinning down the drain out of my head.

  8. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    The apostles showed up between midnight and 3 a.m. today, Pat, looking a lot like Hare Krishnas. Who’s next, the pope?

  9. Larry T. Says:

    Hope you’re back up to full snark soon my friend, though with these posts it seems you’re not too far off.

  10. Jon Paulos Says:

    I am regarded as a pretty good writer, and handle the most sensitive writing at work. When people ask me my idol I tell them I aspire to write as well as Po’G. I shared this with my wife the public health official and after laughing so hard she almost peed her pants, she said this was the strongest argument for a flu shot she’d ever seen, and said he should write for the CDC.

    Hope you get well soon, Patrick, and live to snark another day.

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