How does this make you feel?

Guess who’s going on Oprah?

I really should avoid redistributing shit like this, but it sure beats trying to write your own comedy while recovering from the Masque of the Red Death. As the NYVelocity crowd noted via Twitter, “Oh fer chrissakes there’s another Toto outrun by reality.”

Joe Lindsey has tweeted a call for questions to be posed to TCWSNBN, and some of the offerings are worth a look. If you are of the Twitterati, look for hashtag #questionsforlance. Hell, kick in a few yourselves. Everybody dance.

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29 Responses to “How does this make you feel?”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Shit, that should be something. I think I will just read about it. Feeling better Patrick?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Pat, I won’t be tempted to watch either. Happily, we croaked the cable after the Landis Tour and that was that for anything other than DVDs, streaming video and rabbit ears.

      And thanks, I am feeling less totally cratered. Actually slept a whole night last night, which helped. But I had a coughing jag this afternoon that made me wonder whether an Alien was about to burst through my ribcage. I think I pulled a muscle during that one. I’m trying mightily not to do it again.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        We ditched cable back in 2001, but we got the basic again a couple years ago to get PBS in HD. Antenna here gets one station, NBC. Springsteen was right about TV. I think Tex knows how to handle the media, except you and Charles, and nothing concrete will come of it. Oatmeal stout heals those of Irish descent. Try a Firestone Velvet Merlin.

  2. Khal Spencer Says:

    Oprah? Um…I think I have an appointment to sort through my sock drawer and the box of old inner tubes out in the garage. Thanks.

  3. Libby Says:

    I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better, Patrick.
    My first inclination is to not watch it. It will be cringe-worthy and he’ll be maddeningly self-serving. However, I realize I would end up spending more time reading about it from different sources than watching it myself. I know, I shouldn’t bother either way.

  4. Steve O Says:

    Crazy like a fox. He’s going on OWN? That’s a sure fire way to make sure no one sees it. Dude ain’t stupid.

  5. GJ John Says:

    So TCWSNBN is going to be interviewed by Oprah. Are we sure it’s safe to put that much narcissism in the same place at the same time? I’m concerned that with that much concentrated egocentricity that a black hole might form preventing even light from escaping. After all, we already know that no probing question or serious answer has any hope.

    I can’t wait to hear Opah’s “no holds barred” questions. “How do you feel about being dogged by these false accusations your entire career?”

  6. gbtco Says:

    It’s TCWSNBN’s Year, I guess. He even made the cover of a prestigious magazine.

    I picked up a copy [yeeesss, I’m a sucker]; the cover is really well done.

    When is he just going to fade away?

  7. Bob Says:

    Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me. Where’s the spotlight? Redirect it to ME!

    Just go away already.

  8. Jon Paulos Says:

    Patrick, I’m glad you’re on the mend.

    Maybe its my follow-the-money bias, but Oprah, who’s struggling to gain viewers and has a lot of money, and Lance, who needs money worse than a broke crack addict right now and can deliver the viewers? Match made in heaven. I bet the payoff for Lance will be over $300k for a softball interview. Who knows, maybe this will be the platform for The Confession.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Jon, I think you’re spot on here. Could be the first 50-50 partnership he’s ever had. Oprah claims no appearance fee, but I wouldn’t bet against a “donation” to Livestrong that will find its way back to TCWSNBN as speaking fees, expenses, whatever.

      This would all be so much simpler and quicker if the dude were stupid. We’ll be picking this scab for a while yet.

      • GJ John Says:

        Well, there was the mancrush that TCWSNBN and George Bush the Lesser had on each other. That seemed to be a nice, 50-50 relationship. Remember how they used to go mountain biking together? And whereas TCWSNBN wasn’t allowed to pass Little Georgie (seriously) he could ride along side.

    • GJ John Says:

      I think you’re on to something there, Jon. It would explain why seemingly every news source (except for maybe “Arbor Day Weekly”) had felt the compulsion to do a story about an interview that won’t take place for another week. There’s an advance force of some serious PR going on.

      What Deep Throat said: follow the money. (No PO’G, not that Deep Throat, I’m referring to the one that ratted out Nixon. You have a dirty mind.)

  9. Jeff Cozad Says:

    I amazed at the Time Lords at NYC Velo. They ran this in May of 2011

  10. Steve O Says:

    I’m not wishing anything on anyone … but if you were writing a screenplay, dude would go on Oprah to announce that his cancer has returned. Hires some top notch CSI guys and they blame the PEDs he unknowingly took. Beats cancer, sues the UCI, USPS, and Paul & Phil, then runs for Gov of Texas. Texas secedes, making him president, and Austin gets the 2036 summer games,which 21st century historians recall as the first ever clean Games. Luke goes on the win le Tour 9 times. And, as President, he orders the Texas CIA to take out Emma, Tyler, Travis, Floyd, etc … All simultaneously during his granddaughter’s christening.

  11. Steve O Says:

    Shocking …

    • Jon Paulos Says:

      What? C’mon, put yourself in Armstrong’s shoes. It worked great in 2000(?) with the UCI, why wouldn’t even more money work with those puds in a smaller satellite organization?

      Sure is juicy though.

  12. Pat O'Brien Says:

    From the BBC this morning.

  13. Larry T. Says:

    If this isn’t enough reason to be leaving the country I don’t know what is! I’ll read about it in La Gazzetta dello Sport or see what’s going on when I catch up with a ‘net connection once in Italia. Can’t imagine much more than a PR campaign where BigTex whines about the terrible treatment he’s getting after all his good works for the cancer community. He’s given up the fight in the courts and with the sanctioning bodies since he can’t beat the truth, so the “court of public opinion” is all that’s left to him. And since Okrah’s the queen there it should be no surprise he’ll join her,…taking those softball questions…maybe they’ll get Dr. Phil to join them? Get well soon Patrick, you’ll need to be up to full snark to comment on the latest chapter in the BigTex s__tstorm. Gawd, I wish this prick would just go away.

  14. Steve O Says:

    Shall we hug?

  15. GJ John Says:

    I dunno, looks like Oprah’s fluff piece might be interesting after all. An anonymous source (him again!) says TCWSNBN is gonna fess up. Watch, he’ll blame “his enablers” and Oprah will let him get away with it.

    Here, at least I cite my sources:

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