Ten days that shook the ribs

Baby, it's cold outside.

Baby, it’s cold outside.

Ten days after the flu sank its meathooks into my respiratory system I’m finally starting to feel like a primate instead of a paramecium.

And there’s no danger of being tempted to imperil my fragile recovery by throwing myself headlong into a futile attempt to recover all those miles unridden because it’s 8 degrees and snowing.

It would be just like me to rocket out the door in search of a nasty case of bronchitis and perhaps a broken bone or two, so I think I’ll surprise the universe and stay indoors, maybe ride the trainer gently for a half hour or so.

Speaking of disease, beyond my little cocoon the speculation as regards impending revelations by the One Ball To Rule Them All has reached a fever pitch, and don’t I wish I could give a shit. Watching him summon the Reverend Mutha Gaius Helen Winfrey and her rubber gom jabbar to Pelotaville for a televised confessional in hopes of getting his personal gravy train back on the rails looks very little like a penitente journeying to the Sanctuario de Chimay√≥ on his knees.

I can’t decide which cultural reference to deploy here. Is it an unrepentant Alex insisting that the Int Inf Min spoon-feed him in his hospital bed? Or is it Lucy at the chocolate factory, only with the chocolate being money and Lucy a great white shark and the assembly line running not too fast, but rather not fast enough?

“What’s it going to be then, eh?” I’m going to go with Alex here, because no matter what we may hear on Thursday, I suspect that a “cure” forced is no cure at all, and we will have our malevolent little droogie on our hands for quite a while yet.


10 Responses to “Ten days that shook the ribs”

  1. Steve O Says:

    I’ve been pitching this, but Hollywood still isn’t burning up my phone bidding on the rights.

    Dude is going to announce his cancer has returned, blames it on PEDs that he unknowingly took. Beats cancer, sues everyone. Elected governor of TX, which then secedes, making him El Presidente. Austin hosts the 2024 summer games, and during the opening ceremonies, the TX CIA takes out Tyler, Floyd, Travis, etc, Michael Corleone style.

  2. khal spencer Says:

    If I see TCWSNBN in Chimayo, spooning sacred soil into small likelinesses of saints and putting these into a musette to distribute to the peloton, I’ll believe he is serious. Otherwise, sigh…spare me the melodrama. Enough already.

  3. GJ John Says:

    Patrick, Khal, uh….everyone else! I think we’re failing to recognize the greatness we’re witnessing. This guy has put on one enormous b.s. act for the last two decades, so we’re fortunate enough to be witness to one of sport history’s greatest liars. He’s been able to play the victim while ruthlessly destroying the careers of anyone who would question him. He’s raked in the cash by the barrel full with a “for profit” Cancer Jesus foundation designed to look like his “non profit” cancer Jesus foundation. This guy is a born swindler.

    And here we are on the cusp of a brand new bullshit story from him. He’s rolling out “Big Lie Number 2”. Already there’s a story about how he got all choked up while “apologizing” without confessing to the people at his foundation that bought the lie the first time ’round. And y’know what? They bought the “new lie”. According to the AP: “several employees cried during the session”. Yep, prepare to watch as he grows a whole new crop of chamois sniffers.

    You can’t talk people out of believing who want to believe. And they’re going to believe the “new, remorseful Bullshitter Who Shall Not Be Named”.

    C’mon, guys, this is golden!

  4. Larry T. Says:

    GI John’s got it right! I’ll be SO happy to be flying away from the USA tomorrow morning to my beloved Italia. It’ll be nicer there weather-wise too.

  5. khal spencer Says:

    TLBWSNBN? (The Lying Bullshitter Who Shall Not Be Named)

  6. Pat O'Brien Says:

    OPWSKMRRA. One Percenter Who Says Kiss My Rosy Red Ass.

    The man doesn’t have the same set of rules most of us have.

  7. Jon Paulos Says:

    “One Ball To Rule Them All”? Truly, Patrick, you are back in form. When I grow up I want to be able to write like you.

  8. James Says:

    I don’t really care what that self-absorbed nitwit has to say about anything. And I really don’t care about what TCWSNBN has to say either. So….let it snow!

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