Is that a tap on my phone or are you just happy to hear me?

A terrierist? Naw, he's a spanielista

The known terrierist “Banzai” Buddy Boo, captured from my iPhone. (Actually, he’s more of a spanielista.)

C’mon — you don’t think they put a camera in that phone of yours so you could take cutesy pix of puppies and kitties for teh Innertubes, didja? Wave hi to your Uncle Sammy.

I guess I’m with Kevin Drum here. I just assumed that once the surveillance genie was out of its bottle, the ratfink stool-pigeon bastard would never get stuffed back in, no matter which crypto-Mooslim Kenyan socialist tyrant happened to be occupying the Black House. And thus whenever I plot the smashing of the State I make certain that I’m out in the open, safe among The People, far away from that snitching corporate stooge, my iPhone.


I do have one question, though. As a nominal journalist and underemployed rumormonger, I consider myself to be in the entertainment business. And everything I do — from writing columns to drawing cartoons to making prank calls to the Queen warning that the Irish Republican Navy plans to dispatch an armada up the Thames — is part of the Work. Shit, I spend more time and effort editing my emails than some people devote to entire magazines. I’m saying I take my comedy seriously, is what.

So my question is this: By data mining my phone is Uncle Sammy violating my copyright, and if so, can I sic’ the FBI on him? Seems to me I can’t watch a goddamn “Game of Thrones” DVD without enduring a multilingual series of dire threats regarding the high crime of piracy from the Feebs, Interpol, the Sûreté, MI6, the Mossad, SHIELD, the Illuminati and Captain Video.

I think the sonofabitch should at least be picking up part of my AT&T tab.

• Late update: More on this revoltin’ development from The Old Gray Lady.

• Ever later update: More here, praising the leaker, from The Atlantic.

• Very latest update: And of course, Charles P. Pierce has a few light-hearted observations to make.

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25 Responses to “Is that a tap on my phone or are you just happy to hear me?”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Goes back to that post of yours, Patrick. If we wanted Dick Cheney, we would have voted for Dick Cheney. I am utterly fed up with the increasing arrogance of recent administrations, whether Donk or Elefink. Obama is worse, as he campaigned as a reformer. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, to be sure.

    Marking things secret means we have a hard time discerning what the fuck the Administration is doing to undermine the Constitution without fear of a forced vacation at Club Fed. Its time for a Supreme Court case, if not impeachment for violating the 4th Amendment under cover of classification. I do not think the Founders thought the government could cloak violations of the Bill of Rights under cover of official secrecy.

    Fuckin’ A. Starting to sound like a Tea Bagger.

  2. bromasi Says:

    A Tea Bagger you are not, just a true american.

  3. Boz Says:

    Seems to be a new shit-storm daily for the O-Bomb-us crew. Does Brock the constitutional scholar really think crap is all OK. I guess since Bub-ya isn’t wearing leg irons, he can get away with it, too! Jebus, that ass-hat Rand Paul is starting to make some sense. Now that scares me.

  4. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    I have been receiving robo calls, about 10 a day from the same shitbirds, for the last three days which have put me in a serious lather. So much for the Fed do not call list as Charles P. opines. If I could get the boss of one of those boiler rooms in the back yard, I would tie his ass to a post and wait for the other Patrick to come down and help me in some serious ass whupping. Government can collect data on all our asses, but can’t stop this asshole from calling old people and cheating them out of their last fucking peso.

    As far as the No Such Agency goes, they used to be forbidden by law to collect domestic intelligence data. Then came the Patriot Act, and the FISA court along with it. Not only can they collect data, but they can analyze the shit out of it. They are experts at it; they are the best in the world at it. Verizon was between a rock and a hard place. Law says they must turn over the data and not say shit about it. Patrick, they know what socks you have on today and what the Boo man’s favorite food it. Your “Work” is safe so far, we think, but we don’t know since that fact is top secret, your ass doesn’t have a need to know, and the gummint will tell you when they think your do have a need. Just keeping you safe baby. BOHICA.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Word, Patrick.

    • Boz Says:

      Why was it called the Patriot Act? So no one would question it. You just can’t find fault in something labeled “patriotic”, can you. But, now that the Kenyan has the reins, he must have done something to make it unpatriotic. After all, he’s one shifty n*****r!

  5. Dale Says:

    Or we could all pull the batteries from our phones and communicate in code via radio. Have we gone that far?

    • Phat Says:

      .. -.- . . .–. — -.– …. .- — .-. .- –. .. — .-.. .. -.-. . -. … . ..-. — .-. .— ..- … – – …. .. … .-. . .- … — .- .-.-.- .-.-.- …. ..

  6. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    Semaphore. That’s the ticket. No, your iPhone can see that too. Log drum? BUM bum bum bum BUM bum bum bum. Nope, Siri’s listening, the filthy stoolie.

  7. brokenlinkjournalism Says:

    What I find hilarious is that some people are offended by this… in this is NEWs. Apparently they were not paying attention when the PATRIOT Act was passed back when GWB was sitting in Cheney’s lap. Even a cursory reading of the Act should make your skin crawl, eyes bug out, and your bowels tighten. Freedom may not be free but I don’t believe that it should include unauthorized wiretapping, domestic spying and/or general paranoia.

    It all makes me wonder if the “crazy guys” wandering the streets mumbling to themselves are on to something. Hmmmm……

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Naw, they’re just on their Bluetooths, giving the NSA a reason for existing.

      So many outrages, so little time. I knew this shit was coming the first time I got pulled over at a “random” DUI checkpoint between Santa Fe and Pojoaque. Nothing like a bracing chat with Officer Friendly every night on your way home from work.

      “Have you been drinking, sir?”

      “No, but I plan to get right after it here directly. See you same time tomorrow?”

      “Uh huh.”

      • khal spencerk Says:

        With the average citizen putting his/her full and unexpurgated biographies and personal hygiene habits on Facebook, I wonder if anyone really cares that Uncle Sam has joined the ranks of those who know what brand of condoms and personal lubricants they use.

  8. chri5p Says:

    Semaphore, meh. Log drum, pffft. When the WIFI is switched off and teh interwebs is locked down, the only weapon of choice will be what it has been for half a milennium: the flat-bed platen press. My good self and the other ink-stained, beer-addled old ink-monkeys will rule! Old media my spotty ass.

  9. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    I appears now that your body of work, and valuable it is, is making some analyst chuckle in a building with no windows. Just hope they aren’t cutting and pasting. Wait, copyright law is the last area of real protection so it’s all good.

    Got my Saga frame and fork yesterday. Scheduled to be built on Monday. Now the frantic search is on for some brown handlebar tape. Local stores are out. Is it unreasonable to drive 75 miles just to get some?

    • khal spencerk Says:

      Imagine that. Sitting in a windowless room data-mining the internet. I suspect a lot of them make sure they keep the sound on their computers turned down, if you know what I mean. “Hey, George, look over here–its a fifteen incher going into that little blonde! Is that a record, or not?”

  10. bromasi Says:

    Bring back good old newspapers.

  11. Larry T. Says:

    Barry’s been a dud in many ways but what can ya do except think it could have been far worse had “Get off my lawn” McCain been elected, or the Romney-bot.

  12. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    McCain walking around with his M1 Garand and chasing all the kids off the lawn on Easter would have been something to see.

  13. Khal Spencer Says:

    Now that the government has declassified this program, I can feel free to say what I really think without breaking Federal law (which in my case, could have nasty consequences).

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  15. Cell Phone Monitoring Says:

    Do you have any video of that? I’d like to find out some additional information.

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