How long can you tread water?

It’s been a while since I last cracked my Bible, but I seem to recall the Big Fella promising He wouldn’t destroy the Earth by water again. Got the impression it was sort of a “been there, done that” kind of deal.

Well, He may not be destroying the entire joint this time around, but He’s certainly lowering the property values hereabouts. Boulder now has a moat, and I just saw Noah go arking by the DogHaus with an AR-15 slung over one shoulder. Said he was taking two of everything except homos and Democrats, then added with a genial chuckle, “But I repeat myself.”

Herself just stepped into the deluge to walk Mister Boo, who refuses to shit indoors like everyone else around here. I declined to enable this charade, citing the potential for rust on the steel plate, cranial leakage and the shorting out of wires crucial to the composition of lame gags for fun and profit.

Then I scuttled downstairs to shit in a box. I figure that if the cats and I do it often enough, Mister Boo will eventually get the idea.

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12 Responses to “How long can you tread water?”

  1. Chris Coursey Says:

    Good laugh on an old line well-delivered. Homos and Dems, oh my.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      An oldie but a goodie. I steal only the highest-quality gags.

      I see our crypto-Mooslim Kenyan socialist Usurper-In-Chief has declared the state a disaster area. He must have seen some old aerial photos of the El Rancho Delux Welcome Back Summer Party.

  2. Steve O Says:

    How do you know Mr Boo isn’t shitting inside? Maybe he has a Richard Kind / George Clooney thing going on with Chairman Meow?

  3. Khal Spencer Says:

    Pecos R. and some parts of the Land of Entrapment are awash, too. But if the rains up your way wash away some of them right wingers, one could look at the bright side.

    With the coffee brewing, I’m off to swim over to the garage and change out the cat box litter. Wish me luck.

    I’m in a bad mood. This place erupted like the gunfight at the OK corral at 0330-0430. I called 911 and found out the security boys at the National Lab decided to conduct a live fire exercise in the dead of night. Damn near loaded up the family arsenal when the pop-pop-pop boom started up.

    • John in GJ Says:

      Khal, I just looked at the future radar on and according to their tea leaves, tarot cards, goat entrails, or whatever it is they use, you’re going to get really pounded later today. I’d say you have till noon or so to get that ark ready to sail as it looks like the Western Interior Seaway is about to return. Tread water, my friend.

      Off topic, but if I could look six hours in the future like the prescient people at, I think my focus wouldn’t be so much on rain, wind, and sun, and much more on other things like lotto numbers.

      • khal spencer Says:

        Its lightened up for a while, which should let my garage look like a garage again instead of a drydock. I guess I’ll head home soon and put some pontoons on the car and life jackets on the dogs and cats.

        We were supposed to drive to Albuquerque today for the century ride Sunday morning. That’s on hold–everybody up here in the bomb factory I talk to who drove up from the valley or from Fanta Sea had harrowing tales to tell. Most of the main roads in the county were closed at some point today due to flooding or debris flows or both. Large parts of the state have gotten their annual average rainfall in just the last three to four days. Parts of the Guadalupe Mtns. have had a foot of rain.

  4. Patrick O'Brien Says:

    Duffy insists on a walk every morning, rain or shine. He will shit in the backyard, but only after the “look” fails to get the walking prep started. That hasn’t happened in months. The “look” is powerful.

    Seems like yesterday we were wishing for rain. We had a nice dry day, then about 8 PM we received a 1/2 inch in about 15 minutes.

    Have a ball at interbike.

  5. Debby Says:

    Wrongmont has a moat too. Sounds like people aren’t having a lot of fun up there at the moment. I’m currently in Crestone and I guess I won’t be going back north for a while. Indefinitely postponed, you could say.

    Lot of rain down here but currently no flooding. There is a flood advisory now however. Haven’t seen Noah and his AR15. He’s probably giving us dirty hippies a wide berth.

  6. Larry T. Says:

    Nasty stuff out there – the rain will be here tomorrow they say. Hope it tapers off so POG can get outta Bibleburg without an ark and the rest of the folks in the floods end up OK. I’m sure we’ll hear all about it from the denizens of the Republic of Boulder at Interbike if they can make it out there.

  7. Steve O Says:

    They’re talking about Berlin AirDrop style resupplies for Lyons. Completely cut off.

  8. Derek Says:

    Maybe there was a promise of not destroying us with water again but then we recalled Morse, so here we are.

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