Creative class warfare

The Turk' enjoyed some backyard time while I cleaned a bike in honor of the summer solstice.

The Turk’ enjoyed some backyard time while I cleaned a bike in honor of the summer solstice.

Summertime, and the livin’ is easy. Just ask the Turk’, who enjoyed a little outside time in the Mad Dog Media Botanical Gardens, a.k.a. “Weedpatch,” as I washed a bike in honor of the solstice.

Shortly thereafter it began raining off and on, with thunder for flavor, and the feline outings, bicycle riding and Old North End Garage Sale took back seats to working and earning.

Speaking of which, I can see I’ve been going about the latter activities all wrong. Clarity is so 15 minutes ago. If a guy could only learn to deploy with a straight face semantically null phrases such as “further leverage,” “cultural and creative assets,” “place of choice,” “launching new ideas” and “preserving our rich cultural heritage,” why, People of Money would write us fat checks for doing absolutely nothing beyond talking authoritatively and incomprehensibly out of our asses.

Toward that end I’m pleased to announce the formation of the Caramillo Street Collective for Creative Obfuscation, whose sole purpose it shall be to talk shit for money. I know, that sounds an awful lot like what I already do, but trust me, this is a radical departure from business as usual at Chez Dog. It’s a means of further leveraging my cultural and creative assets from my place of choice to launch new ideas that preserve my rich cultural heritage.

Somebody owes me $20K now.

• Speaking of talking shit: Here’s Timothy Noah on the ethics of dog-crap disposal.

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26 Responses to “Creative class warfare”

  1. paul Says:

    I prefer talking of fecal matters.

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Susan can pump out some serious blarney. Must have been an investment banker in her past life.
    It’s so hot here the fire hydrant was chasing Duffy this morning. Ride tomorrow starts at 0530.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Talks more shit than Chinese radio, as I read somewhere once.

      We’re warm, but not Arizony warm. In fact, a gent from Phoenix is renting The House Back East™ for a month to avoid those 0530 exercise intervals. He must be enjoying our cooler, damper weather, ’cause I notice he mostly doesn’t get rolling until I do, and I’m a legendary night owl.

      Got the Duffinator his own wading pool for those scorchers? The Turk’ is spending more and more time in the sink, which makes it hard for a fella to brush his teefers.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        Wading pool? Good idea; I’ll get on it.
        Only 100 here today; Phoenix is a balmy 106 as we speak.
        I wish we could sleep past 0400, but it just doesn’t happen this time of year.

    • Steve O Says:

      “The award is expected to come with a $20k award.”

      I’m going to shit in one hand, and expect a grant in the other, and I’ll let you know which fills up first.

    • Steve O Says:

      Never use jargon words like reconceptualize, demassification, attitudinally, judgmentally. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ass.

  3. Charley Says:

    The check is in the mail!

  4. Larry T. Says:

    Congratulations on this cultural (whooda thunk it about BIbleburg, except for the so-called Christian types?) award! Over here the big news is the area we enjoy so much, and where our HQ is located, just was granted UNESCO status
    http://whc.unesco.org/en/tentativelists/5001/
    We’ve thought it a wonderful place for over 15 years and now it seems the UNESCO folks will help protect it?

  5. sharon Says:

    Consultant and corporate speak. I do not miss either. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

  6. khal spencer Says:

    You could make some real money this way. As fellow cyclist John Allen (Streets Smart, etc) has mentioned recently, “the amount of energy required to refute bullshit is ten times bigger than that required to produce it”. So shit-talkers always have a huge advantage.

    As a side show, consider opening a franchise of shit-talking in New Mexico and call it the Public Education Dept. Teacher Training Academy. Apparently, the new state standards require beginning teachers to prepare a five year dossier, graded by the pound, in order to keep and advance a teacher certification. One guy with a journalism background flunked, went back and added great dollups of meaningless bureau-crateeze, and passed easily. Go figure.

    http://www.sfreporter.com/santafe/article-8806-bureaucratic-nightmare.html

    I’ve got nothing against tenure and promotion dossiers, given that my better half and I had to jump those hoops back during our long stays in academia, but in those daze, they were evaluated by peers, not some bureaucratic Room 101 crowd. Bring in the rats….

  7. Steve O Says:

    Have run into way too many Edmondson/Garritano types over the years. Put the two of them together, and they don’t have enough cranial horsepower to operate an extension cord. But they can produce a metric shit-tonne of PowerPoint slides explaining how the cord is vital to your company’s market penetration, growth in key sectors, and return on investment

  8. Steve O Says:

    Re: dog poo

    We’ve had dogs as pets for some 16k years. And we’re still trying to figure out the poop issue? How the phuck did we ever get a man on the moon?

    (Or did we ?)

  9. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Changing subjects (if I may Patrick) for a minute from bullshit and dog shit to bicycles, I rode 35 miles on the Soma ES this morning on the new 700×28 Conti Hardshells that M. D. Anderson recommended. Thanks M. D. for the good advice! The bike had 700×25 Schwalbe Marathons on it, but I was not satisfied with the harsh ride. The Hardshells not only smoothed out the ride, including some poor chip seal roads this morning, but give me more confidence in the traction department. All that remains is how flat resistant they are.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Pat, I’m riding either Contis or Schwalbes lately. The Contis have the better feel, for my money.

      I punctured a Schwalbe Little Ben today, something I had doubted was possible. But if you run over a staple at 40 psi, it can be done.

      The pit stop was educational in more ways than one. My saddlebag had a pair of 700×23 tubes, and the Little Bens are 700×38. I took it very easy on the way home.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        I rode with Big Motor, my nickname for him, Reggie. But he took it easy on the old guy (me.) The ES has nothing on it but a big seat bag. I wanted it to be a little faster. The Hardshells roll really easy at 95 psi, so they did the trick for smoother and faster. But I will stick with the Schwalbe Marathon Plus 700×32 tires, might go to 35, on the Saga and Sandy’s Trek 520.
        That ES is really a sweet ride.

      • khal spencer Says:

        I’ve used 700-23 tubes in fat tires (700 by 32-40) without calamity on more than one occasion. Just refer to them as “ultralight”, har-har….

      • Larry T. Says:

        Same here Khal. 23/25 tubes work just fine in the various fattish road tires I’ve used over the years.

  10. Jon Paulos Says:

    Patrick,

    Veering off topic a little, I have been more than a little intrigued at the Bianchi Zurigo you’ve been testing for Adventure Cycling. Living as I do in York PA, what the cycling industry calls a “small market”, there is not a Bianchi dealer here. So I did what most people do, I asked The Google. Didn’t find a dealer but I did find the BianchiUSA site. So I tried their dealer locator. Didn’t work! I looked for a “Contact Us” button. You’d think a consumer products company would have that front and center. Was it? C’est de rire, which is French for “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”. Finally found it buried in a sub-page. Wrote them an email.

    Now, remember this is a consumer products company. You would expect that they’d be on me like flies on shit. That was over a month ago. Any response? Apparently flies have gone off shit.

    I still want to check out the bike. You’ve got pull. Can you get through to anyone there?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Hey, Jon,

      I was able to get their dealer-locator widget to work — I see dealers in Hanover (Simplicity Cycles), Lancaster (Era Ski & Bike Shop) and Harrisburg (Pedal Pusher). Which browser were you using? I’m on Firefox 30.0.

      The only contact info I was able to find was one of those fill-in-a-blank sumbitches under “Store.” Probably the same deeply buried item you eventually unearthed. I hate those and ignore them whenever possible.

      I have the email address of one of their PR types, and need to tug on his coat anyway. You want I should ask him to drop you a note?

      • Jon Paulos Says:

        Patrick,

        Well that’s interesting. I’m using Firefox 30.0 as well. I guess chalk it up to my lack of sacrifices to Bill The God Of Computers. I’ll find those dealers. Thanks very much.

        You might pass along to the PR person that they need to get on the stick with their site, but no need them to contact me now that you did their job for them. Static web sites may be in decline, but they’ve been saying that about print books for a long time too, and look where we are.

        Pat yourself on the back when you talk to them. You salvaged a sales opportunity for them. Ask if you get a commission.

        Thanks again.

  11. Jon Paulos Says:

    Also, would you please pass along my email to Weaksides? I’m looking for some advice on riding the Pittsburgh-to-DC rail trail. Anyone reading this can chime in if you’ve got any experience on that trail.

    • Weaksides Says:

      Hey Jon,

      Patrick is hereby allowed to give you my email addy.

      That said, the main thing to know is that a 39×17 fixed gear is “the party gear” and as long as it doesn’t rain (aka- you don’t take me along), you’ll be just fine. Oh, and the bike shop in Cumberland has beer. That’s really all you need to know.

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