Here’s your cup, there’s the door. …

Make vinegaroons great again.

As I was getting set to hop in the shower last night I saw movement in my peripheral vision, and holy shit, there was a largish vinegaroon, lurking down by the baseboard near the sink.

I clapped a plastic chile container over him (or her), slid a record album underneath (Stray Cats, “Built for Speed”), and ferried her (or him) out the front door.

We don’t like having scary things scuttling around and about in our house, and we remove them with a minimum of violence as quickly as we are able, because nobody who lives in our house is a fucking idiot.

Speaking of which, “What do we want? When do we want it?” Seriously? Jesus, people, find a new hymn to sing. That’s got as much white hair in its ears as “Hey hey, ho ho.”

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17 Responses to “Here’s your cup, there’s the door. …”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Holy shit, those look nasty. And you went and gave away your Mini-30, too!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Herself saw the first one back when we were moving in, fall of 2014. I think I was still in Bibleburg, or dashing back and forth from Interbike to ’Burque to Bibleburg.

      She thought it was a scorpion, and who can blame her?

      Another one appeared to entertain Herself the Elder during a visit. She sez to me she sez, “Patrick, come here, please,” and I figured I was in trouble. Nope. Vinegaroon in the guest bedroom.

      A neighbor used to have one that visited regularly, She called him “Vinnie.”

      • khal spencer Says:

        We have the occasional black widow spider up here. Wanna trade?

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        No, thank you very much. Vinnie isn’t poisonous. Just scary as shit to look at.

        Never been much of a bug fan. Not since Texas, when we used to watch the wasps and tarantulas battling it out for supremacy (over what, we had no idea). It was like a Japanese monster movie in miniature.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        They do their best to look like scorpions just to scare the shit out of you. Not good unless you are in the bathroom. Otherwise harmless, but they belong outside.

        When I first moved here, you would see tarantulas all the time during the rainy season. Not anymore. Not sure why, but it is probably not a good thing that they are gone. Wasps sting the tarantulas to paralyze them so they can lay their eggs on them. Then the eggs hatch, the larvae eat the still alive spider. That sounds like a Steven King novel.

        I developed a habit after camping and backpacking in the SW for years of shaking out my shoes before I put them on. I still do it. Scorpions like to nap in shoes.

        • JD Dallager Says:

          Pat: Actually that sounds like Mother Nature – a cold, cruel, dispassionate bitch at times, eh?

          It may be just me, but I often marvel at how homo sapiens and our social structures mimic nature. Bio-mimicry I believe it’s often called.

          Take for example the first rule of all living things: survive and continue the species at all costs. That idea seems to apply very well to human efforts in business, political parties, organized religion, national security, etc. Ditto the idea of “eat or be eaten”. It’s not enough for someone to win; someone else must lose.

          Maybe homo sapiens’ “civilization” and “society” are just very thin veneers masking our “natural” instincts??

          • SAO' Says:

            Every species has its own unique strategy. That’s why it’s not unusual to see two birds hanging out in the same neighborhood, one of the displays incredible and bright colors to attract mates, and the other that is camouflaged to avoid predators. every species has its own unique strategy. That’s why it’s not unusual to see two birds hanging out in the same neighborhood, one that displays incredible and bright colors to attract mates, and the other that is camouflaged to avoid predators. Fish are the same.

            With humans, there is definitely an aspect of competition within the species. But what puts us in the minority of all species is the fact that our offspring are so effing helpless for so long. you just can’t imagine a mother octopus looking at her 25-year-old offspring and screaming, “when the F is your prefrontal cortex going to reach executive function maturity! “

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Very thin indeed, JD. We’re about one minor apocalypse away from pounding each other into paté with thigh bones.

  2. carl duellman Says:

    that looks evil. did your feline home defense network let that slip by?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      As Field Marshal Turkish von Turkenstein (commander, 1st Feline Home Defense Regiment), often puts it: “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your food dish near the bed to avoid those long tiresome walks.”

  3. SteveP Says:

    Let’s talk about these babies

  4. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Now, if you want to talk about large, ugly, and needs a time out outside, think about the dumpster after he watches Obama the Nobel Prize Winner and Greta Thunberg, soon to be Nobel Prize winner, chatting it up in NYC. I will bet that in his next speech he will again beg for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bet that nasty pie hole will be stuffed with Big Macs tonight.

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