Foot, loose

They didn’t have any Reynolds 853 crutches with cup holders.

So there I was, JRA (Just Running Along), when my right ankle folded up like a cheap umbrella, only with an ominous crunch that said, “Try walking this one off, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

I’m no stranger to sprained ankles. Don’t know why. A rolled ankle is just one of those deals that keeps coming around, like acid flashbacks or “Golden Girls” reruns.

But usually I walk that shit off.

Not this time.

Oh, I had to walk, all right. I never run with a phone. And even if I did, Herself was in Florida, so who was I gonna call to come get me? Batman? I never run with a Bat-Signal either.

So I hobbled home, wrapped the ankle up like a fat burrito, and drove to the neighborhood urgent-care outfit for an X-ray, expecting the usual RICE advice with a sizable bill attached to lend it some authority.

Not this time. Sumbitch ain’t sprained. It’s busted.

So I drove home with a removable ankle stirrup, a list of orthopods, and the obligatory pair of aluminum crutches.

And can you believe it? Crutches still don’t come with cup holders. I had to fabricate that sucker myself with a big assist from King Cage and the USB (Universal Support Bolt).

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37 Responses to “Foot, loose”

  1. Chris Coursey Says:

    I thought I patented the Crutch Cup Holder when I broke my knee. Combined with a canvas tool pouch around the waist, it was how I ferried my grog and vittles from the kitchen to the recliner for the better part of four months. Mend soon, my brittle buddy.



    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      My cup holder is an old resin Specialized bottle cage from the Nineties sometime. Vintage-like.

      For bulkier items I’ve been using a small messenger bag, just big enough for an iPad or the MacBook Air.

      Boy, a knee is a whole other order of magnitude. I’ve only ever done collarbones (two) and digit dislocations (also two). Sprains? Innumerable. Uncountable. A right shitload, is what. I used to be able to roll an ankle just strolling down a sidewalk.

  2. Carl Duellman Says:

    ouch. see if you can get one of those knee scooters. they’re a hoot.

  3. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Ooh much sympathy from our cheap seats in the Michigan gallery. So did a bone snap or a tendon tear? Either way a quick kick in the slats compadre.

  4. katholoch Says:

    Oh, no! That’s more than inconvenient. Sorry to hear it.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, K. Bloody pain in the arse is what it is. Also, and too, the ankle. I’ll spare you the pix. Eeeeyeeew, etc. All swole up like a Republican senator full of fresh Russian money.

      • katholoch Says:

        The Sandia’s got my ankle too-getting off the lift strapped into my snowboard at the “resort” at the top. My sprain became black and blue, and took 2-3 months for me to walk normally. BUT, that was 25 years ago and I am never bothered by it now. Doing the alphabet with my foot and yoga balance poses are great for strengthening those micro-muscles around the ankle.

  5. JD Dallager Says:

    Geesh PO’G: Sending speedy and full recovery wishes, Amigo!!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, JD. I hope to know more soon. Couldn’t get in touch with my primary-care doc for an orthopod recommendation so I picked a random podiatrist from the same medical group. If nothing else he’ll take my insurance. Hope he leaves me the leg.

      Say, what kind of wood makes a good peg? Any suggestions parrot-wise? Arrrr, etc.

      • Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

        WTF? Couldn’t get in touch with your doc? I thought the USA had the best healthcare system in the world, no? That’s what they screamed at me a few years back in Iowa. What’s that? You’re not rich enough?
        We bought some short-term insurance to cover us while in Fat Nixon-land next week – don’t wanna be bankrupted or left in the streets of SoCal in case something goes wrong while I’m there, dontcha know?

  6. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Well, shit. We are too old for that kind of thing. Don’t have the time for it. But, we make time and heal up. So, give the ortho your wallet, tell them to take what they need and fix the sumbitch. Do you have the Honda there with an auto trans? Might be tough driving the stick shift Subie for awhile. Mend up fast buddy.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      The very idea of driving while impaired in the Duke City, stick or no stick, gives me The Fear. You want to have all your wits and bits around you when surrounded by these people. Otherwise you risk losing more bits.

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        I use to think that was an exaggeration until my second visit to Duke City. That cross town drive to your place had my sphincter so tight I could have pinch cut a railroad spike clean in two. Well, maybe not clean.

  7. Bob Hollister Says:

    Ouch! ouch! ouch! and I bet you’re getting no sympathy from the critters either. Get an ortho on it ASAP. Feel better soonest. Bob from CT where spring is trying to come early this year,

  8. khal spencer Says:

    Ouch. Shit. Broken angle or torn soft tissue?

    I turned my ankle really badly back in 2016 when I was walking pretty fast to a meeting and went off the edge of a sidewalk with a three or four inch dropoff. Broke a bone in my foot, not the ankle. Came home and iced it thinking it was a sprain but my foot looked like a watermelon the next morning so it was off to urgent care and then the X ray folks.

    Doc called it a Jones Fracture and said to be careful to let it heal right. So I was in a soft cast and one of those knee scooters for about six weeks.

    Howz your bone density, Patrick?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      It’s a break this time. Usually I just sprain ankles, which is bad enough.

      As to bone density, no idee. Gotta be right thick in the head, don’t you think? I never broke that. Yet.

  9. BruceM Says:

    Crap! PO’G. Hope you have better luck than I have had with a broken distal end of the fibula. From my 3rd surgery on it, I’m seven weeks past that operation with five more to go. At least I can put some weight on it, but I’m still on crutches. BTW: They look just like your! Bon Chance mon ami!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Ow, Bruce. Didn’t know you were on the DL. What did you do to yourself that required three surgeries? Hope round three did the job for you. Crutches are BOR-ing!

      • BruceM Says:

        January of 2018, I fell. Surgery added hardware. Doc said I could put weight on it as the hardware held the pieces in place. Wrong. Put up with pain for over a year. Another x-ray. Three screws that were once horizontal now tilted up. Oops, fragment moved and I had a screw loose (nothing new there). July of last year hardware was removed. Still in pain. December of last year, CT and MRI revealed the thing had never healed, a complete non-union. January 8, 2020, 3rd surgery planting another plate and nine screws. Six weeks in a cast with no weight bearing. A week ago, x-ray shows healing! (Open another beer!) Cast replaced with a boot. I can put about 50% weight on it but still on crutches for another six weeks. My right ankle looks like a hardware store.

        Wish you better luck, Patrick! Btw: Herself may never leave you alone again. Ya can’t be trusted!! 🙂

        • JD Dallager Says:

          Bruce: I’ll bet the TSA folks love having you show up in line at the airport! “Hey, look colleagues, it’s time for a no-notice show-and-tell/training session and possibly a full body search!” 🙂

          • BruceM Says:

            JD, I’ve thought of that. Good thing I’m an old “phart” and don’t travel much. I can always show them the scar!

  10. Libby Says:

    Sorry to hear this! I hope you mend quickly and without complications. I’m not sure you want to see a podiatrist first for a broken ankle. You are in a big city so all the ortho practices tend to be big and have a same-day feature that gets you in and seen by an ortho or PA. Maybe not by the specialist who will perform surgery, if required. But, in any case, with a bone you want to be seen ASAP. I’ve known people who waited for the ortho they wanted and incurred serious complications because the bone was already starting to heal.
    A podiatrist to help you during (if necessary) and after – probably necessary to get the support/orthotics to address ongoing issues after PT.
    Years ago, I ruptured tendons, ligaments, etc. in the front of my ankle, lower leg, top of foot so no broken bone. Slipped hard on black ice and my foot and ankle were hyperextended.

  11. JG Says:

    Oh f*ck Oh dear – take the ankle fracture seriously. I’ve got two ortho-trauma surgeons in the family (apples fell & rolled way far from the tree!). Get thee to a good sports-med ortho doc or an ortho-trauma guy (preferably one that accepts your insurance) & best of luck! Hoping you heal fast & well.

  12. Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

    OUCH! Went down to our LBS on Saturday and found the owner hobbling around in a soft cast thing on his ankle. Dunno exactly how he did his but that running stuff is dangerous, dontcha know?
    Best wishes for a speedy and full recovery and enjoy whatever painkillers you can get until then!

  13. SAO' Says:

    Glad to see you take your coffee seriously.

    As the philosopher Dave Barry said,
    “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”

    Good thing the ankle bone ain’t connect to the funny bone.

  14. Derek Lenahan Says:

    Sorry. If you haven’t picked one yet I know a guy in Aspen. I am recovering from my 22nd surgery so I have some opinions. Mark is the best.

  15. khal spencer Says:

    Taos orthopaedic is pretty good and they specialize in sports medicine. They have an office in Fanta Se.

    Dr. Sean Marvil was the guy who glued my shoulder back together when I tore my rotator cuff and biceps tendon. I liked him. Their web site has a list of their sawbones and what each specializes in cutting and pasting together.

  16. Shawn in the Gorge Says:

    Sorry to hear about your head… Oh that’s right, your ankle. It reads as though you’ve received some great advice. Aspen, Taos, wow. I think I know a guy in Bakersfield… with a big rock.

    Regarding the water bottle thing. Didn’t they invent something called a camelback? It seems as though carrying liquids on the back is easier then throwing the old crutch-walk off kilter.

    But at least your head injury, uh, I mean ankle injury is occurring at what might be an ideal time….. St. Patty’s Day time ! Woohoo !

    and of course the furry critters will appreciate a big warm body around to curl up on.

    Get well oh literary friend. I wish we had not to get old.

    Cheers !

    • Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

      Great idea! With a Camelback you’re also good-to-go in case you find yourself needing an enema. The question is what do you put into these liquid transport vessels?

      • Pat O’Brien Says:

        Pump, spare tube, snacks, place to put layers as the days warms, multitool, first aid kit, tire levers, and monocular for bird watching. On the straps, pepper spray, jet scream whistle, and small knife. You know, stuff you might need when you are miles away from a road or other people. Out West where there is lots of room in a high desert where you also need lots of water. Stuff you need if you crash or puncture and will be your own for awhile. I had a small seat bag with second tube sun screen, and chap stick.

        • Larry T. atCycleItalia Says:

          How much liquid do those things hold? Normal-sized bike bottles are .5 liter and the big ones can be a full liter. Two of ’em fit on most bikes, no? All the other MTB stuff used to fit in an underseat bag or in my jersey pockets – I’ve always hated riding any real distance with anything strapped onto my back and always wondered why anyone would do so unless there was no other way…or they needed to be prepared for off-road enemas?

  17. Ira Says:

    Hopefully your insurance won’t jack you around

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