Old Yellers

Double your pleasure. Or not.

Nobody would call me an undecided voter.

I decided long before Election Day 2016 that I would vote for a thrift-store toaster, a rabid bat, or the empty chair Clint Eastwood was yelling at if any of these items were running against Adolf Twitler. And that remains the case today.

Yet I feel oddly compelled to watch tonight’s “debate,” the way Arthur Denton craved the tender mercies of Orin Scrivello, DDS, in “Little Shop of Horrors.”

I don’t know why. If I were smart, I could always just toddle down to the golf course, catch a couple geezers arguing about which one of them is best equipped to drive the cart into the water hazard. Watch fat Corgis bark at each other on YouTube. Bang my forehead on the keyboard for a while, then check the mirror to see how many new words I’ve invented.

Hyyb! Yuij! Ddfcv!

Alas, as you know, I will never be smart. And after tonight, I am liable to feel even dumberer than usual.

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20 Responses to “Old Yellers”

  1. khal spencer Says:

    Excellent title.
    Maybe this is what happened to the electorate:
    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/texas-city-where-boy-6-died-brain-eating-amoeba-will-n1241328

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    I am with you. The debate has a strange attraction. Will we see Biden destroy dumpster with truth and facts? Will we see dumpster trot out some women who accused Biden of looking up their dresses? I just hope Biden can keep his cool and just taunt the asshole all night and get him acting crazy.

  3. si little Says:

    the charitable instinct and the self preservation instinct deflect me from the voyeurism, as well as having no tv.

  4. JD Says:

    I’m thinking this will be crudeness vs. civility; empty boastfulness vs. solid knowledge; showmanship vs. substance; narcissism vs. humility; etc. (Unfortunately, for many voters, style wins over substance.)

    Also can’t wait to see how Chris Wallace moderates the debate; how the talking heads/experts review the debate; and how the American public reacts/responds to the debate.

  5. khal spencer Says:

    Oh, Lord. I forgot that was the Bite Me followed by the General Melee fight.

  6. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    Well, we lasted just over a half hour. I caved first, but Herself insisted, “Just a few more minutes.”

    Good God awmighty. It was worse than I had expected, and my expectations were low, practically subterranean.

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