Looked like a Sherlock Holmes flick in the cul-de-sac this morning: “The Case of the Missing Desert.”
“The game’s afoot, Watson!”
And indeed it is, if the game is “Who’s the dumbest man in the Senate?”
There’s always a thundering herd of whinnying glue-factory candidates in that august stable, but lately it’s a two-up horse’s-ass race between Eric Schmitt (R-Misery) and Tommy “Coach” Tuberville (R-CTE).
Schmitt couldn’t even pull off a “Gotcha!” against Jack Smith without stepping in it up to his flag pin.
But Coach may edge him by a nose — a big red one that honks when you squeeze it — with his charge that the friendly skies are full of furries.
Talk about game. It’s one helluva race when it looks like Ted “I’m Not Just Stupid, I’m Evil Too” Cruz might not even make the podium. It’d have Holmes reaching for the old iron butterfly and his 7-percent solution, craving mental exaltation.
We’d all laugh at Schmitt except we’re crying. When a real attorney states something like this, you take him seriously and check what he says against facts. And it’s not like we can’t all see it’s an open and shut case. They guy stood there and told people to storm the capital on television! I want to throw those people who didn’t immediately arrest him, still have the ability to do so, and refuse to take action, in jail near enough to hear the orange thing and his sycophants in solitary complain and moan for at least two years. I’m thinking Spandau for the orange thing and his associates for life AFTER we take all their wealth from them.
Appalling, innit? “The world’s greatest deliberative body,” me bollocks. You could find better rhetoric and snappier repartee at a goat fuck in Ass Hat, Idaho.