Posts Tagged ‘King Donald the Short-fingered’

Canned

February 10, 2022

“Yep, it’s all here. Hope you brought a shitload of Scotch tape.”

I think we’ve found the right person to handle document retrieval for the pestilential library of King Donald the Short-fingered.

Trails, please, and hold the tears

January 19, 2022

The Duck! City as seen from just above the Embudo dam.

I’ve been in something of a metaphorical rut lately, bikewise, so today I thought I’d get in an actual rut as a change of pace.

The Voodoo Nakisi and I took the foothills trails south to the Hilldale Loop and back, and real, physical ruts there were aplenty. I hadn’t been down that way since November 2021, and it seems weather and traffic have done some remodeling in my absence.

Is that gravel or dirt? The UCI Gravel Committee is never around
when you really need it.

The weather was brisk, and there weren’t a lot of people out and about, which was fine. The trails and I were getting reacquainted, and we’re both old enough to do without chaperones. Nobody needs to see me busting a move, especially if it ends with a busted bone.

My attention has been known to wander, and occasionally I find myself riding the trail in my mind, not the one under my wheels. This caused me to perform a trick dismount once in Bibleburg’s Palmer Park, when the mental and physical trails differed by a couple crucial meters after some unheralded renovations by the trail fairies. The bike went down, but I did not.

Today I kept the pace moderate and the autopilot off, and my miscues left neither paint nor DNA behind. I have an appointment with the dermatologist coming up and I don’t need any quips about leaving skin removal to the professionals.

Speaking of getting skinned, here’s hoping that the Jan. 6 committee gets to hang a big, greasy, orange hide on its wall now that the Supremes have declined to pull The Very Stable Genius’s fat out of the fire he started.

Ordinarily I don’t approve of trophy hunting, but some heads just beg to be mounted. The National Archives taxidermist better have all of his shots and a hazmat suit.

A Royal Flush, or Circling the Bowl

February 4, 2020

Goddamnit, this one will not go down!

What a week. And we’re only at Tuesday.

On Monday, the Donks intercoursed the penguin most savagely with an Iowa caucus that resembled nothing so much as the Batley Townswomens’ Guild’s re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor, only without the funny bits.

Come Tuesday, we got a twofer: First, the Senate “debating” whether to remove King Donald the Short-fingered from his golden throne; and the State of the Union Address, which seems certain to be even less funny than the Senate, the Iowa caucus, and the Batley Townswomens’ Guild.

And come Wednesday, His Lardship will skate on all charges, have Stephanie Grisham squeegee all those senatorial lip prints off his fat ass, and get back to wiping it with the world.

As if all this weren’t bad enough, well, I bring still more evil tidings — yes, yes, yes, it’s time for more political-science fiction from the K-9 Caucus at Radio Free Dogpatch!

Gosh. Whatever will Thursday bring? And News Dump Friday is gonna have to up its game big-time if it wants to keep being more than just another day of the week.

P L A Y    R A D I O    F R E E    D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder, then edited in Apple’s GarageBand on the 13-inch 2014 MacBook Pro. Post-production voodoo by Auphonic. The background music is “The Throne Room” from Sir Cubworth, via the YouTube Audio Library. The golf shot and crowd noise come from craigsmith at Freesound.org. Clock ticking and alarm ringing are straight from the iMovie sound-effects bin. And the sound of the world swirling down the loo? That comes straight from the guest bath at El Rancho Pendejo.

We are not amused

October 9, 2019

His Lardship in the Porcelain Throne.

Well, now we know what Republicans mean when they say they favor small government.

A government of one.

A king.

I guess we can lay off all these other idlers, yeah?

First day of the fall

September 23, 2019

“The State? Yeah, that’s me. What of it?”

Can we please impeach His Execration now? His Louis XIV act grows wearisome.

Whatta drag(on)

May 22, 2019

His Lardship in the Porcelain Throne.

And here you thought “Game of Thrones” was over.

Behold The Wall®

January 23, 2019

Something else I can do better than King Donald the Short-fingered:
Get a Wall® built.

What’s all this fuss about a Wall®?

I had a Wall® done yesterday. Easy peasy. Spanish-speakers were involved, though they declined to pay for my border-security project. And it wasn’t a Wall® from scratch, but rather enhancements to an existing Wall®.

But still, as you see, here we are. And nobody had to work for free, take on a second job, or go to a food bank over it.

Fiddling while Rome burns

November 24, 2018

Nero didn’t get it either and cashed out the hard way.

OK, let’s see if I’ve got this right:

“A major scientific report issued by 13 federal agencies on Friday presents the starkest warnings to date of the consequences of climate change for the United States, predicting that if significant steps are not taken to rein in global warming, the damage will knock as much as 10 percent off the size of the American economy by century’s end.”

In response, the courtiers attending His Most Pissant Majesty, King Donald the Short-fingered, Terror of Twitter, are focused like the proverbial laser beam on whether trans folk may serve in the Empire’s armed forces.

Got it. Makes perfect sense. See, if they’re not camping in camo’ down by The Wall*, or using the wrong latrines in Afghanistan, they’ll be available to fight fire and flood elsewhere, p’raps in more fashionable neighborhoods, in order that the gentry may be both protected and entertained.

* Wall not pictured. Or even built.

Law and ordure

June 5, 2018

His Lardship on the throne.

Donald the Short-fingered thinks he is the Lizard King (“I can do anything!).

There was a time when “erotic politician” Jim Morrison got in the deep doo-doo for waving his dick around on stage, but that was only rock ’n’ roll, and we liked it. Just part of the act, folks; all in good fun.

This guy actually wants to fuck us. But I don’t see the cops coming anytime soon.

Your Sunday swamp

January 7, 2018

I think the Alien is just about ready to pop out of Steve Bannon’s gut there at lower left. Either that or it’s some sort of handgun-flask combo.

Boy, the swamp, she’s draining now, hey?

So many geniuses. The best geniuses. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pretty sick of all this winning.