Zomby woof

Don't mess with the Zomby Woof.

Don’t mess with the Zomby Woof.

Mister Boo’s recovery continues nicely, thanks to some timely musical therapy from that Over-Nite Sensation Frank Zappa on this, day three of Zappadan 2014.

The cone comes off more often now, and a neighbor who saw him motoring along like the happy little guy he is proclaimed that The Boo was “walking tall.”

Don’t mess with the Zomby Woof, y’all.

Do, however, feel free to mess with the UCI for this hash of a press release. Jesus H. Christ, it takes talent to say less than fuck-all while using 714 words to do it.

I remember discussing a semantic analysis of the Budweiser jingle during my college days. What it boils down to, the professor explained, is a list of the various Anheuser-Busch trademarks for Budweiser that says absolutely nothing about the quality of the beer. A masterpiece of obfuscation that remained unsurpassed until the UCI came on the scene. Well done.


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15 Responses to “Zomby woof”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    It is a classic example of a passive voice ramble flooded with needless words. It would put Messrs Strunk and White into cardiac arrest. Even the title is a terrible piece of writing. They need to hire you as their Executive Editor at about, say, $200K a year and tele-commuting of course. Plus they continue to dodge the Astana question. But, you know what I think, that license is coming as soon as Vino’s check clears.
    Mr. Boo is looking good indeed.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Just appalling. The pootbutt who wrote that should have it tattooed on his testicles with an air hammer.

      And yeah, watching everyone tap-dance around the Astana thing fails to inspire confidence. The best thing that can be said about it is that so far, the mainstream media seem to be otherwise occupied. A sponsor’s wet dream, this is not.

      But what’s important is that The Boo is on the mend. His tail’s back up when he walks and he’s stomping his little feet when he doesn’t get his way. Good times.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        Like me linking independent clauses with a comma.
        Glad Boo is almost back to normal. Duffy doesn’t stomp his feet. He just gives you the look. Will Boo get a glass eye?

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Comma, schmomma. You had the old content going on. The UCI? Not so much.

        No glass eye for The Boo. He does have a prosthesis under the eyelids to avoid that sunken-in look, but that’s it. We hardly notice that he’s a one-eyed little weirdo anymore.

        I’ll have to post some video of Himself stomping his feet one of these days. He is the veritable acme of outrage when he doesn’t get his way.

  2. Sharon Says:

    Stomping of the feet always works at my house…for me or the kitty (my poor hubby).
    PR flack 101, resort to any number of analogies of, “Hey, look over there…” instead of addressing the real issue.

  3. khal spencer Says:

    I’ll be off the radar for a while. My Better Half found some glare ice on the deck and took a bad flyer, which at current estimate, has caused two broken ribs and a lot of pain. Plus, we just took in three dogs to sit for a good friend, so life is busy.

  4. Larry T. Says:

    UCI has just enough vague sops to the Velon ideas to make it look like they’re ahead of the curve. Interesting that so much was included about the on-bike camera stuff. But perhaps no surprise when you look at the bottom of the page and see Shimano and Go-Pro listed? I fail to grasp how on-board camera stuff will save the sport. First, I think it’s overused in F1 and MOTOGP to the point where it’s distracting and we already have “in the peloton” footage in real time from two-wheeled vehicles with far better access in most cases. They’re called camera motos. Does anyone else find these on-bike shots, which are taken from pretty much the groin level of the riders, far from awesome? Glad that Mr. Boo is now taking up your time and attention in his usual way rather than having you play Mr. Vet all day.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Indeed. Only cycling would go gaga over a bit of technology that other sports have used for decades — and a feeble version of it, too, what with the editing taking days to produce a few seconds of in-the-pack video.

      The UCI can’t even see to it that we in the States — a growing, emerging market — can watch streaming online video of their own damn’ World Cup cyclo-cross series, f’fucksake. Didn’t we just have a world championships on this side of the pond, and aren’t we courting a World Cup?

      Incidentally, if you’ve never watched Sporza cover a bike race, you owe it to yourself to check it out. They got more cameras than Carter has little liver pills, and the play-by-play guys aren’t trying to deafen you while delivering their wisdom.

  5. tj Says:

    +1 Larry, I’ve been underwhelmed by the on bike footage so far. The sprint footage makes me dizzy with all the rocking back and forth, and thankful that I am not epileptic or it would certainly trigger a fit. It also doesn’t look nearly as dangerous as it does to me in a real life sprint. I guess my lyin eyes and memory are telling me a version of reality that isn’t as exciting as I thought If they could get a gyroscope stabilized camera, that would be cool. Early days for the technology I suppose.

  6. Pat O'Brien Says:

    I also agree with Larry. The “in the peloton video” is a joke. Watching a Boo morning walk Go Pro video would be worth my time.

    And in other news, Fox Factory Holdings just acquired the Race Face and Easton Bicycle Components companies. The Fox CEO must have hired the UCI press release writer to come up with this gem of corporate double speak.

    “We are very excited about the Race Face/Easton acquisition and look forward to welcoming their team to the FOX family,” stated Larry L. Enterline, FOX’s Chief Executive Officer. “This transaction demonstrates the execution of our strategic initiatives to increase FOX’s product penetration into both existing and adjacent product categories to help drive our bike sales and profitability long-term. We look forward to leveraging our global marketing, engineering, distribution, and supply chain resources to collectively develop next-generation, high-performance bicycle ride dynamics solutions.”

    I used to really like Easton stems, handlebars, and seat posts. Wonder if they are any good anymore?

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