Why is a Steelman Eurocross better than a BMW 7 Series?
Well, for openers, it’s a Steelman Eurocross. And you can’t just slide on down to your local Steelman dealer and drive one off the lot, because Brent Steelman isn’t making them any longer.
Even if you could, its touchscreen wouldn’t be showing you an ad for “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” the instant you climbed aboard, which BMWs are doing. My Steelman Eurocrosses ain’t got no steekeeng touchscreens. Oh, sure, they share an ancient Cateye Velo 8, but it doesn’t say shit to me because it saw what I did to Herself’s sportswatch with a claw hammer when the fucker started beeping and wouldn’t shut the hell up.
I knew this day was coming the first time I pulled into a gas station for a tank of the cheap stuff and the pump started shrieking advertising bullshit at me. I nearly drove off right then and there, but I was running on fumes, and figured that if one station was doing it, they all were.
And they all are.
So, guess what? If six-figure BMW 7 Series sedans are inflicting advertisements upon their owners — and nobody at BMW gets fed feet first into a wood chipper over it — your $24K Kia Shitbox will soon be pitching Happy Meals, weight-loss programs, and boner pills at you.
My 2005 Subaru Forester? Not so much. The only screen in that sucker is the windscreen, as the Brits call it. The clear one I look through to see where in the hell is it that I’m going.
John Gruber sums up the whole deal nicely at Daring Fireball:
This is absolutely insane, especially for cars that people own. If you own a car and an ad is shown in your car, you should get paid for the ad. And you should need to agree to it first. BMW is supposed to be a luxury brand, and one meant for driving enthusiasts. This is so absurd it’s hard to believe it’s real.
Ho ho ho. What isn’t?
Mad Blog Media 
Remember the Far Side cartoon where the subject was in the restroom getting ready to dry his hands. The instructions on the towel dispenser said “Pull down and tear up”. And of course the last strip image displayed the dispenser pull down off the wall and torn up in pieces as the subject walks away. That is the thought I have about a display screen in any car that I have that begins to preach the benefits of whatever the hell they are trying to sell to me. But then I do not believe that I will ever own a car with any kind of a display screen. Or at least one that is interactive. I understand the benefits of a modern display screen. I just really don’t want one in my car.
Boner pills? They have those now? I don’t need no stinking boner pills – I ride a bike, fast.
That was a great cartoon, right up there with the B. Kliban classic about the man dining with his fly.
Now, me, I don’t want a touchscreen or an automatic transmission. I may just be kidding myself, but I feel more like I’m actually driving the vehicle if I have a manual shift. Plus nobody will steal a manual because nobody knows how to drive one anymore.
Ho ho ho. One look at my ride and an evildoer knows (a) it ain’t worth shit, and (2) the owner has nothing of value in it.
Funny, I was walking my mutt yesterday at one of the local parks and he found something odorous and disgusting to roll in. As I loaded him back into the car thinking thoughts of a hose bath when we returned home, a couple of happy flies joined us in the car. He liked the bath in the warm outdoor sun.
Damn mutt anyway.
Actually, now that I think of it, that “pull down/tear up” ’toon may have been from Don Martin in “Mad.”
When I had written my comment I had re-thought afterward that it might not have been a Far Side strip. Thank you for correcting my error.
Hey, I got it wrong too. I knew I’d seen it, though, and happily I have an extensive library. …
BMW is just getting even for us fucking up the world’s climate. We have to look at an ad, they can’t wash their BMW.
https://deutschlandinenglish.com/p/munich-faces-drinking-water-crisis-amid-record-heatwave
I’m sorta in the market for an EV but damn if they don’t all have screens. I like knobs and buttons. I guess a screen isn’t so bad if all it does is show you the map, what song is playing and what the weather is like. Running the whole car through a screen just seems ridiculous.
As far as the bra doping the obvious answer is they should ride topless. Problem solved and the ratings would get a boost.
I like knobs and buttons too. Fuck a bunch of touchscreens.
Shoot, I don’t even play the radio when I drive anymore. I want all six senses focused on getting from here to there and back again.
I’ve ordered a Slate EV. No tech to go haywire Carl
When’s that bad boy show up in your driveway? I keep seeing stories about ’em on the Innertubes.
Maybe April /May of 27 .I didn’t want the first early production run but if they offered to shove my order in earlier I’d likely take it. Not much to go wrong on these “throwback” pickups. You’d appreciate some of the similarities with your old Toyota trucks. But no manual transmission option. There are aftermarket companies that make fake manual shifters just to throw off thieves. Yet all they gotta do is look for that 3rd pedal right?
What I need is a low-mileage, rust-free, 5-speed-manual 1987 4WD Toyota XtraCab SR5 that some little old lady only drove to church on Sundays.
Cool! I like the concept of the Slate but no trucks for me. I’m a minivan guy. The Porsche Taycan is the sexiest looking EV on the market but way out of my league.
I recall one gas station where there was a mute button on the pump so you could shut the ad up. I guess they figured out that one real quick and removed it.
Last time I visited family in Buffalo, my brother handed me the keys to his Jeep. I think he did it just to see if I remembered how to row the gears. Fortunately, between the motorcycle and my old Tacoma (I was an idiot for selling it) I can still row the gears.
To blazes with BMW. Friend of ours bought a used one and within a year, spent twice as much on repairs as she did for the car.
There was an old Don Martin cartoon I remember (incorrectly) that I can’t seem to find.
I’m squinting from the evening sun
Get yourself some sunglasses!
No! I’m Joe Squinting from the the newspaper The Evening Sun!
I loved me some Don Martin. His “sound effects” and names were killer.
Remember “Captain Klutz?” I’m pretty sure I read that paperback when we were still in Texas.
Yes I remember. I think that was elementary school when I read it.
BMW was charging a monthly fee so you could use the heated seats, and on a 12 month subscription (so you didn’t have the option of only paying for Dec thru Feb), so this surprises me not a bit.
I’ve been seeing a ton of Bimmers around Duck!Burg lately. I wonder how many of their drivers are Spider-Man fans. Someone is bound to find a way to blame this on Biden.
This paywall shit only exists because we let it. I kill off anything that reeks of paywall even though I was a happy early XM radio client. There always seems to be a workaround like Radio Paradise or over the air home antenae combined with simple cellular internet. I did opt in on basic YouTube Premium but if they start jacking around I’ll dump them quicker than a bronco does a tenderfoot wannabe cowboy.
And a fine picture of a steel bronco such as your Steelman warms the cockles of me heart laddie.