The Monitor in the Merrimack

C’mon. When you’re staring at this much screen you want a box of popcorn, a big ol’ soda, and a preview of coming attractions that does not include the honking 18-wheeler into whose lane you have strayed.

I have an ironclad disagreement with the notion of a multiplex in motion.

My argument is a simple one: If you want to drive, get an automobile. If you want to text, tweet, phone, Facebook, Instagram, eat, drink, smoke, shoot, or stream anything other than your own bad self down the road, why, get a sofa and some fixed location to put it in.

Our discussion of the Escalade Multiplex with its 38 inches of curving OLED real estate caused me to remember an earlier screed on this very topic, from the pages of Bicycle Retailer and Industry News circa 2014. For a change I cited sources other than the voices in my head, though of course they too were interviewed at length.

Rather than simply reprint the column — c’est ennuyeux! — I barked it into the old Shure SM58 and presto! Yes, yes, yes, out popped another episode of Radio Free Dogpatch!

Too late for this year’s Pulitzer for Audio Reporting, but hey, there’s always next year, amirite? Or maybe 2024, when the sonofabitch will be 10 years old and journalistic standards may have declined even further, perhaps to my level.

P L A Y    R A D I O    F R E E    D O G P A T C H

• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 microphone and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder, then edited in Apple’s GarageBand on the 13-inch 2014 MacBook Pro. Post-production voodoo by Auphonic. The background music is “Well Oiled Machine” from Zapsplat. Sound effects from Apple’s iMovie effects bin and Your Humble Narrator.

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5 Responses to “The Monitor in the Merrimack”

  1. Dale Says:

    The Escalator is indeed the icon for the last two decades or so. I see them idling in parking lots winter and summer; in summer to keep it cool while someone shops and in winter to keep it warm while someone shops.

    Why should any American be mildly uncomfortable for even a few minutes after they shop?

    • SAO' Says:

      Don’t even get me started …

      Our school district spent a boatload of money putting together a PSA with the city gov’t about not idling your car when you’re picking up and dropping off your kids. It was a really nice production, and all three of the people who saw it said they learned something from it. But all 40 principals in the district said, yeah, no thanks, not going to promote it … too sensitive an issue

      One of the craziest parts is, they quote a study that found that the worst pollution levels aren’t on the sidewalk next to the idling car. They’re not in the bike lane behind the idling car. They are actually in the idling car. Cars are designed to scrub the air that is forced in as the car is moving. Sit there idling, and you’re sucking up those fumes for your own personal consumption. So you’d think there would be a way to share that info in a non-accusatory manner and then let folks make their own decisions. But, sadly, no,

      Makes me wonder, can we possibly speed up Darwinism just a little? The mouth-breathers and knuckle-draggers aren’t offing themselves fast enough.

      https://www.fcgov.com/airquality/breathe-easy

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Patrick, that’s a beauty!

    Diesel powered beasts are my favorite. I love breathing in all those particulates while riding down the side of the road. Breathe them deep boy, down where they will never come out.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, matey. I’m starting to like that Shure SM58 a lot. And I’m wondering whether a Beta 87A might be even better.

      Diesels. Jaysis. To haul the kiddo to school and fetch smokes ’n’ Cokes from the 7-Eleven. Blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum blum.

      One thing I had to get used to after swapping the 4WD Toyota Tacoma TRD for the ’05 Forester was the sight of lugnuts at eye level wherever I went and the soothing melody of the Cummins Turbo overwhelming KRCC-FM.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        I don’t use mine as much as you, but I like it. Some day I might get a SM57 if I ever decide to mike a acoustic guitar.

        By the way guys, I probably won’t be doing the Santa Fe century this year. I won’t count it completely out at this point, but it is doubtful. I haven’t turned a pedal in 6 weeks, and I really don’t miss the riding, just the exercise.

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